Coach, Lifestyle

Equating Love with Abuse

Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. Have you ever been mistreated by a man or a woman and you accepted it for too long? That is a topic that needs addressing so I will share some of my experiences and maybe you can dig deep within, find yourself and understand that you deserve love and more so, you deserve that which you are so that you can see who you are. When one has been abused all of his/her life, he or she becomes accustomed to abuse and therefore connects it with love. Some of us are not sure of what defines love. Most of us are not taught what love is or isn’t. The critical thing to take note of is that love is not abuse. 

I experienced all forms of abuse as a child, and teenager so it was easy for me to accept abuse as an adult. In one of my intimate relationships, I suffered mental and verbal abuse, was always put on the back-burner and disrespected. However, this man told me he loved me, and since I was born into those conditions, I accepted the ill-treatment. The behaviors you attract and accept are at the subconscious level of your mindset as no-one wants to experience abuse. I hear many people say “He or she needs a slap or two to believe it’s love,” that is sad to say, but it does hold some truth. It’s not that women or men like the slaps or shoves; it’s just they are conditioned to accept those behaviors. People who have experienced abuse and have not received coaching or therapy does not understand love. I was guilty of this, but with personal development, I recognize that I connected abuse with love. I didn’t understand love without being disrespected, cheated on, verbally abused and etc… I realize the difference today because, after my husband, I know love exists, and abuse has no place in my life today or ever.

Those who we accept into our lives are a reflection of who we are. If we harbor ill feelings about ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others that reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate adverse treatment from others, it is possible that we also operate similarly. If you are an abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for yourself increases self-esteem and makes it easier to embrace healthy relationships and deny unhealthy relationships.

Some signs of equating abuse with love or NOT-understanding love
• You accept abuse, emotional, verbal, physical
• Expecting specific behaviors, i.e., Name calling, hitting, aggression, constant chaos
• You provoke your partner intentionally looking for a negative response
• You feel a need to argue
• You are incapable of living in peace with your mate
• You replace harmony with arguments
• You say he/she loves you even after they hit you
• You push him/her away

Signs of a Healthy Relationship
• Maintain and respect each other’s individuality
• Maintain relationships with friends and family
• Have activities apart from one another
• Able to express yourselves to one another without fear of consequences
• Trust each other and be honest with each other
• Have the option of privacy
• Resolve conflict fairly 

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
• Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person
• Feel worried when you disagree with the other person
• Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy
• Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit you better
• Arguments are not settled fairly
• Attempt to control or manipulate each other
• Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each others’ friends and family

In essence, love begins and ends with you, so if you don’t love yourself, it will be difficult to attract love. Remember, you are what you attract as what’s in your soul is in those souls of the people in your space. Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments. Please share with your friends and family and help me heal the masses. We need it.  

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