Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life using my life’s experiences, wisdom, and education.
In life, you will encounter energy snatching experiences, and within this blog, my goal is to help you reclaim your lost energy and use it for something meaningful in your life. When you think of the word recap or recapitulation, you might envision reflecting on something that happened before today. However, recapitulation delves a little bit deeper. Within this blog, I share with you how to use the spiritual process of recapitulation for empowering purposes and raising your vibrations.
What is Recapitulation? Recapitulation is a spiritual exercise through which we identify and repossess the lost parts of ourselves or the lost energy. It is specifically going back to the experiences that were emotionally draining such as trauma, disagreements, breakups, loss, etc., and taking our power back.
Through this process, we intentionally and consciously revisit all the experiences that our emotional energy was lost or taken away and we invite that energy back into our lives so that we can channel it towards something positive, beautiful and meaningful. In doing so, we recapture parts of ourselves for rebuilding ourselves our higher self so that we can live an authentic life filled with balance love, inner joy, and freedom.
When we lose our energy to emotional disagreements, we lack the energy needed to fuel, nurture and support our higher selves. When we recapitulate that lost power, we can then use it to feed the things in our lives that are purposeful.
My Recapitulation When I was sexually molested as a child and for many years, I felt lost, insecure, miserable, defeated, suicidal, homicidal and more. When I was twenty-six, I revisited that experience with the intent to find something positive. It took me another two years to do so, but even then I still felt like I was missing something. When I turned thirty-eight years old, I decided to revisit that experience, release everything and take my power, and energy back and it worked. Today, I have written six books and working on my seventh, spoken at numerous organizations, and is a Certified Life, Health, and Wellness Coach. That same energy I lost is the same energy I use to recreate my life.
When I challenged my son’s school and teacher for forcing him to stand up and recite the Pledge of Allegiance, the teacher’s ignored my request for him to sit silently. The faculty and one of the deans harassed my son, and the superintendent ignored me. During that experience, the school police officer criminalized my son right to my face. I had to get the news, and the American Humanist Society involved so that my child’s teacher was held accountable, and she was. Although I got what I wanted, that entire experience left me angry and emotionally drained. After that, every time I went to my son’s school, I felt angry and refused to have any dialogue with anyone that was involved. However, after recapitulation, I redirected that energy towards my purpose in life. So, now I’m in graduate school for Social Work, and upon graduation, I can assist in reforming educational laws, advocate for black boys and continue to heal the masses.
The Practice Once you identify the experience that drained your energy, you can begin the process of recapitulation. In that, you need to create a conscious intent as without one; that same experience will drain you even more. So, what was the experience and what were my intentions when I revisited those emotional experiences?
Through positive affirmations, visualization, meditation, exercise, connecting with my higher self, and the divine, I recalled all that energy for the intention listed below.
“I forward this reclaimed energy to fuel my higher self and purpose in life.”
As I mentioned above, I am a 6x author, empowerment speaker, Spiritual Life and Health and Wellness coach, and in my second year of graduate school. I used all that recaptured energy to create who I am today, and you can do the same. Let us talk about recap question.
Recap Questions At the end of each day, recap all experiences. Never allow experience or emotions to go unprocessed. Ask and answer these questions in your journal.
What is good about this?
What is this here to teach me?
What are the facts about this
What am I choosing to think
about this situation?
If this was happening
“for” me, why might that be?
Who do I choose to be as I
experience or go through this situation?
How can I use this situation to
demonstrate my values and my character?
Who do I want to be as I go
How do I want to feel and what
can I do to feel this way?
What strengths do I have that
will help me through this?
Within recapitulation, once must understand that forgiveness is aligned. The process of recapitulation is synonymous to forgiveness. Go here for my audio soul coaching on forgiveness.
In essence, to reap the benefits from recapitulation, one must create an intent and then revisit the experience. If you do not create a conscious intent, you will find more emotional injury and lose more energy. The same goes with forgiveness; when you reflect on those emotionally challenging or draining experiences, you have to be willing to find something positive so that you can use that reclaimed energy to fuel your higher self. In essence, you are releasing what no longer serves you a purpose, embracing what does and feeding your higher self.
Thank you for reading. Please share with your family and friends so they can reclaim their energy and direct into something meaningful and purposeful. If you require more assistance with reclaiming your energy, please complete the form below.
Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life using my life’s experiences, education and wisdom.
An emotionally bankrupt man is one who is emotionally disconnected from himself. What’s more, he has no idea how to emotionally connect with a woman or support her emotions. He is disconnected from his deepest self that which is his emotions or spirit. So, in essence, you are faced with his little self, or the one who can sex you all day and night, spend tons of money on you, walk out on you in the middle of your tears and become angered during any communication. At no fault of the man is he emotionally abusive or absent, and to his ignorance, he has no idea how his perception of what a man is, is extremely far away from the God in him.
His perception of what a man is is based on the societal construct and that is being muscular, hard, tough, unemotional, hard-working or paying bills, packing a gun, and a big dick. The latter will only land you in jail or in the hospital for overworking yourself. He associates being emotional with being a “bitch.” And so I guess we were all “bitches” at birth as we all cried. The sad part is that some women actually believe men who cry or express emotions are in fact bitch-like or too girly, due to their own ignorance or social coma. The man has been programmed to be “hard” robotic and emotionless and unfortunately, there are many women with the same characteristics. Needless to say, a bitch is a female dog, and the last time I checked we are human beings, not four-legged animals. Humans need to feel and be balanced.
A balanced man or woman is someone who feels, is intimate -that has nothing to do with sex- faces fears, knows how to communicate without anger, or becoming defensive like a victim. He also does not run from himself during an argument, yes from himself, as it is not you that he runs out on, but his inability to communicate effectively and healthily. His anger and imbalance scares him and for those who do not run; swing. A balanced man is one who is self-aware, emotionally intelligent, has integrity, wants to heal, creates harmony, open to intuition, and responsible for his thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. He does not blame and is not afraid to be vulnerable. Even if he does not have those characteristics he is OPEN to learning and growing through a balanced woman. He does not fear her, nor does he behave like a little boy with his mother. He receives and grows.
I am not saying that women possess these characteristics as #most do not, however, the man’s idea of what a man is, is so out of alignment with his soul that he will never heal or even listen to what the Universe has provided him with to help him heal. He is too busy chasing titties and ass, money and conquering women and running from himself. He believes when a woman attempts to redirect, help or teach him to a better path, she is controlling him. And for the sake of him never being wrong, his “cop out” will always be ‘you are trying to control me or run things.’ You see he has had enough of women and more importantly his mother, telling him what to do, or not being there emotionally for him as a child. So when he lashes out, he is really lashing out at his controlling and emotionally absent momma or some other authoritative female in his childhood. You are not the issue. He has become his absent mother, father or guardian.
His tough exterior or attitude, and inability to admit when he is wrong, hears what he wants to hear and not what is said, leads to constantly creating discord as he has been programmed to believe that nurturing and elevation is control. What’s more instead of admitting he is wrong he would rather argue. To be wrong is to be dumb or stupid as that is what the European educational system and workforce taught him and everybody else. The same system that taught him what it means to be a man.
What’s more, you are doing yourself and everyone that loves you a disservice. It is time to feel thereby heel. Women deserve all of you and not just the broken parts of you. You do not have to survive anymore. Permit yourself to live, to thrive, to feel, to be authentic without judgment.
By no means is this blog to offend or defend anyone; rather my expression of having dealt with and coached many emotionally detached men. At some point, men will have to break down in order to break through. Otherwise, women will only meet his little fearful self and not the courageous God within. As long as men remain emotionally disconnected from themselves, the risk of heart attacks, cancer and strokes are near. If you are not feeling, what are you expressing? Anger, and behind anger lies pain. An angry heart is a heart attack.
Love is THE healer gentlemen. Stop being afraid of it. Open up to receive and allow the woman that loves you, to help you. She is more than a night sweat. Lastly, no woman has to continue dealing with emotionally absent men. It is very unfair and selfish to ask. You have a choice; the same energy you put into making your money, partying, sexing, eating or whatever, is the same energy you need to use to heal your heart and create your authentic self. The one who feels, faces his fears, is vulnerable and intimate.
This describes a good portion of men. As it relates to connecting to feminine energy. ~Okera Hollis, Author
Your article is poignant and timely! It will take a man to first own his deficits and then If he chooses, let the healing begin! I know a lot of these type of brothers!! ~Khalid Scott, Social Worker Extraordinare
Good article; There will always be a difference between a male and a Man. Much of what you mentioned has to do with the common male experience. Many of our brothers are uninitiated into the Path of a Man, therefore, the sacred masculine can’t be revealed within them. ~Timothy Glenn, Awakened Magi
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Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life using my life’s experiences, wisdom, and knowledge.
A dear friend of mine posted a meme on Facebook that stated, “the first fifty years of childhood are always the hardest.” I agree as what most of us do not understand is unless your inner child has healed, is happy and feels safe, life will always appear to be harder than what it is. That meme inspired this blog.
The questions I’d like to ask are; did you experience a wonderful childhood? If so, chances are, you are close and integrated with that creative and childlike person within your adult self. If by chance, you consider your childhood as lacking, painful or neglectful, you would have possibly experienced one or more of the following.
Mental Abuse: Ignored by parents Constantly punished Not nurtured by parents Too many high expectations Being put down or rejected Exposed to unhealthy behaviors Not embraced by parents/guardians
Experiencing mental abuse leaves a child hopeless as they will develop deep-rooted anger issues and fears from unresolved childhood pain. More than likely, you probably suffered addictions like drugs and alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc. These addictions are an unhealthy way of coping and provide a sense of comfort and safety in your adult life as your inner child feels unsafe. Also, you probably developed physical or mental dis-eases.
Physical Abuse: Lack of affection (kisses, hugs) The absence of food and shelter Slapped, kicked, punched, bitten and any form of violence Violent behaviors Unprotected sex Addictions to drugs, alcohol, food, etc. Physical neglect of self, e.g., compulsive eating, or unhealthy eating habits
Physical safety is one of the most nutritious elements of a loving relationship. We witness this all the time when we see parents showing affection and providing food and shelter to their children. In the presence of physical abuse, the following occurs
Emotional Abuse: Isolating Humiliating Yelling or swearing Ignoring or excluding Threats and intimidation Name calling or insults; mocking Lack of shared love, support, and protection Lack of emotional support from parents or guardians Disapproval or rejection of your emotional expressions Denial of the abuse and blaming the victim
Experiencing emotional abuse leads to the inability to access your self-worth and esteem and with that you are more likely not to express, respect or believe your emotions or needs are essential. You may hide or avoid your feelings as you revert to your unwanted child as a way to protect yourself. You probably developed physical or emotional dis-ease as you have ignored your emotions for too long. Your feelings are a direct connection to the best part of you, that which is your spirit and needs nurturing, and to be expressed, and respected. Otherwise, you revert to the neglected child within you and create an imbalance within your body. Lastly, you will be emotionally disconnected as there is no self-connection.
Sexual Abuse: Rape or attempted rape Unwanted kissing or touching Sexual insults toward someone Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity Sexual promiscuity, withdrawal or dysfunction Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity Pressuring someone to have sex or perform sexual acts Sexual contact with someone who is under the influence of a controlled substance or otherwise incapable of consent
To me, sexual abuse is by far one of the worst experiences anyone can ever endure. This form of abuse leaves a child feeling an entire list of unhealthy emotions, patterns, and behaviors.
Fear Untrustworthy Loss of control Helplessness Anger and blame Shock/ Numbness Changes in how we view trust Promiscuity, withdrawn or sexual dysfunction Inability to access self-worth, esteem, and confidence Self-blame/guilt for “allowing” the crime to happen Dissociation or disconnection from life (inability to function in the real world)
In essence, any form of abuse projected onto a child creates one hell of an inner child to deal with as we reach adulthood. However, please understand this, while some, or maybe many of our problems stem from childhood neglect; blaming, self-pity and un-forgiveness will never benefit our mind, body or soul. Your parents were more than likely victims of the same behaviors they projected onto you as otherwise how would they know. We are creatures of recreating our childhood energy.
Personally speaking, I am very familiar with all forms of abuse, and for decades my inner child was in charge, and not only wreaked havoc on me but my relationships, finances, health and wellness, career/life purpose, sexuality, spirituality, and home life. You will witness my childish behaviors during my adult years as stated in my books, Perfectly Planned and Overcoming Toxic Relationships. Moving forward; how do you know when your child is present, and your adult is dormant?
There are certain behaviors that a child exhibits that an adult would not participate in under normal circumstances. Imagine dealing with a child; it’s like trying to manage a stray bullet; it will not be easy. When you spend time with your child, you witness this with their ability to express themselves and tell you exactly what they want, and if your feelings are hurt, they have no idea, yet more then often adults take it personally. Looking back when my son was three years old, I recall being in Walmart, and he wanted more toys. I refused to purchase what he wanted and my goodness, that kid was on the floor kicking and screaming. Had I gave in to him, he would have used that tantrum-like behavior for many years to come. I recall when my son was four years old and we were in Walgreen. We walked past the “Ped Egg” (used for removing feet callouses), and out of nowhere, my son said, “Ma you need to get that for your foot.” Wow, was I embarrassed? (lol) For the most part, children are free, creative, spontaneous and impulsive while lacking the ability to think first as they act and react.
As we become adults, we believe our inner child is dead and gone, I beg to differ, your inner child is alive, kicking and screaming while ruining your relationships. Imagine a time in your life when you were emotionally overwhelmed or just felt stressed out. More than likely, you reverted to your childhood behaviors to get your needs met. Here’s an example from my book Overcoming Toxic Relationships. I visited my ex-boyfriend at his home, (we were still sleeping together) and he refused to let me in because he had company. I was furious as I wanted to go in and see who was his company. The idea of him having another woman in the house enraged me so while talking to him through his basement window; I kicked it in. Stop right there. Destruction of any property will land your ass in jail. And that is where I was about fifteen minutes later.
Children are careless when they are angry as they have no idea how to express or control their emotions. A mature adult would have paused and thought about the consequences. So guess what, my inner child surfaced and landed me in jail. How do I know that was my inner child? Because, when I was a child, I behaved the same way out of anger. I would break things or become destructive. The list below explains the difference between adult behavior and child-like behavior.
Adult Behavior versus Child-like Behavior
Blaming– Children blames others when things go wrong. Children don’t even understand what accountability means. Adults are accountable as they look to fix the problem, so it doesn’t happen again. Adults know that in every situation, both parties have to look at self. Think of a time when you blamed someone knowing you were responsible. What if you took accountability? What would you have learned?
Reactive– Children react as they respond to a situation rather than becoming proactive or creating a better outcome. Children don’t have the cognitive ability to think about consequences. Adults are proactive and work to create a result that works for both parties. How does this look? Think of a time when you reacted to a situation or stimulus (trigger), and the outcome was worse than the situation. If you had thought first, what would you have done differently?
Hasn’t Accessed Higher or Other Self (Egotistical)– Children that lack maturity does not understand the higher self or realize when they have stepped out of line or disrespected their values or beliefs. Hence, the reason they blame others as they are incapable of “seeing” their ways of error. As an adult, how many times have you blamed someone else for your emotional outburst or irrational behaviors? Children do not understand their “higher” self. Mature adults recognize when their behaviors are out of line, will revisit the situation, apologize where necessary and be accountable. Grown-ups understand that the Ego or “little self” is reactive, destructive and more importantly, self-sabotage.
Impulsive– Children strike out when they feel hurt or mad. They speak carelessly and behave irrationally without thinking about the potential consequence. Adults pause and resist the temptation to spit venom on others. Adults maintain their love and understanding. They work through the issue while seeking a beneficial outcome. Think of a time when you felt hurt or mad and impulsively reacted without thinking about the consequences. Did you cause more pain?
Does not listen– Children refuse to listen as they are rebellious as they interrupt others when talking. Children don’t realize that when they do not listen, they are creating a problem for themselves. Also, children don’t understand the value behind listening. Adults are prepared to learn as they know there is always a lesson and they respect others viewpoints.
Lies– Children lie to save themselves or others, but adults are honest as they understand lies destroy everything. What’s more, adults realize they have nothing to fear by being honest as they do not have to protect themselves from anyone. The truth always sets you free even if that means, ending a relationship because of your lies; you are now free to be single and lie to yourself or no one at all.
Defensive– Children use defense mechanism to protect themselves and get what they want. Children are quick to accuse and say, I did not do or say that. Adults use defense mechanisms like listening and problem-solving.
Problem-Focused: Children are not solution oriented as they have no idea how to address any issue, so they will carry on for days talking about a problem, never once thinking about how to solve it. Adults or mature adults are solutions focused as they realize focusing on problems will only create more. Mature adults understand the only way to move forward is to create a solution.
How many of the listed behaviors do you partake in as an adult? Be honest, so that you know when your inner child is present and so that you can heal your inner child, and prevent more sabotage. In those times listed above, your inner child will wreak havoc on your relationships, or even your life. People stressed out may rely on childhood behaviors to get their needs met. Hence, when one is stressed out, they are not in their “right” mind. For adults who were not adequately nurtured or made to feel safe in childhood, their inner child will behave destructively throughout adulthood. Even in the absence of childhood trauma, we all have an inner child that needs to be loved and kept in check.
Healing Your Inner Child
Open up and Connect– Allow people in and be willing to unite, remove the fear. Fear will only stunt your emotional growth thereby, slowing the growth and healing of your child. Be vulnerable as it is a great place to be. Don’t worry about what people will say or think of you. Allow people in so that you can grow as people show up in your life to teach you about you, not them.
Remember Your Inner Child- What was he or she like? Write it down, so you know when your inner child is present and dominating your life. Be aware of who he or she was. Was he or she smart, scary, fearless, loud, soft-spoken, outspoken, talkative, shy, etc.? Who were you as a child? Remember that person and be able to differentiate between your adult and inner child. Trust me, he or she exists and is waiting for the moment to show up and show off.
Embrace Your Child– Your inner child lives and when someone says you are behaving immature, know that it is your inner child they speak of and that is okay. All children are naive. Embrace that little person and protect him or her. Embrace him or her. Love him or her. Speak positive about your inner child and express love and compassion for your little person. Make your inner child feel safe and loved.
Hun Fun/Play-What did you like to do when you were a kid? Did you want to play jump rope, play basketball, swim, watch cartoons; what brought you joy as a child? Allow him or her to come out and play. Dance like no one is watching. I know you did as a child. I did and still do today. Your inner child needs to laugh until their stomach hurts. Do you remember laughing so hard your stomach hurt? Whatever you wanted to do as a child and could not; do it today.
Provide a supportive, loving and nurturing life for self– If you are living in a toxic or neglectful environment today as an adult, you are not helping your inner child’s healing. What’s more, you are adding more pain and misery on top of your childhood pain. Be kind to yourself. Know your worth. Believe in you. Eat right and exercise. Relax and detox your mind, body, and soul. Take care of you as no one else will.
Remove the Victim Mindset– What happened in your childhood and if it were anything like mine, I understand why you would be afraid to open up and love, have fun, trust, love self and remember. It might just be too painful; however, today, you are not a victim. You are not a child as you are an adult. You have the power to create what you want in your life, but, believing you are a victim, disappointments will always arise. You are a creator so be careful what you allow in your life. If more pain occurs, be accountable and see what you could have done differently. Don’t let your inner child blame anyone for your choices as they are creations. You are not a victim, and only a child would behave as one. Go out and live. Remove the fear and trust the process of life. No one is doing anything to you. Remember, you are the creator of your life. So, if you want a better life, choose and create better experiences.
Cry, Release, Express– Allow your child to feel pain, cry, and release. Don’t ever deny your inner child the opportunity to release pain. Crying is a sign of life. Hence, it was the first thing you did at birth. It is one hundred percent okay to cry and express how you honestly feel and that is even if it hurts someone else. Don’t sacrifice self or harbor unhealthy emotions for the sake of others. Release those old emotions, or your inner child will release them on someone else.
Hang Out With Your Children– Spend quality time with your kids and be free. Let them teach you how to do the latest dance moves. Watch the movies they like to watch. Allow them to be who they are, and you will develop a special appreciation for children, therefore, appreciating your inner child. Trust me, my son and my inner child have the best times together. My teenager enjoys my son. My son is 17 today, and I am still healing my inner-child and learning through my son.
In essence, as long as your inner child is afraid and suffering, you can expect to experience difficult and painful relationships. To heal your inner child, you must love and accept self, all of you, flaws and all. You have to see that you are lovable, valuable and filled with greatness, and take steps to affirm that in your life.
Daily affirmations– I am worthy. I love and honor my inner child. I am safe, supported and loved. I am abundance and joy. I am beautiful and happy. You can also work on removing destructive habits and pessimistic mindsets and replacing them with positive ones, treating, acknowledging and rewarding yourself, self-care, exercise, self-dates, as well as understanding your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs. Understand and respect what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Stay true to yourself and stay in your lane.
Acknowledge the thought: It is impossible to release a negative thought if you refuse to acknowledge that it exists. The purpose of recognizing the idea is to become aware of what you think. More importantly, there are no negative behavior w/o first negative thoughts. Acknowledge your thinking by merely saying “I hear you” and then replace it with a positive impression.
Replace the negative thought with a positive one: When you have an idea that states you are “fat” or “you will never be happy,” counteract that thought by saying “I am thin and healthy” and I am always happy. Do not entertain the thought by creating an emotion as it will become your belief or life. Thoughts become things, as they always follow a feeling that produces more energy surrounding the idea and brings it into fruition or a thoughtform.
Ask yourself: What am I thinking and what am I feeling: The goal behind this is to bring your mind back to the present moment. Generally, when we are in deep thought, it is because we are focused on the past or future and neither one of them are more important than the present moment. So ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” Asking yourself the question above, empowers you to become conscious and redirect your thoughts on something more positive. Then ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Again, empowering you to become conscious of any unhealthy emotions you may have created from the negative thought.
Don’t internalize other people’s thoughts: The last thing you should do is internalize what someone else thinks of you and make it yours. In the past, there were probably people who spoke negative of you, and you believed them. Well, that is internalizing their thought or opinion of you. What others think of you is their business, not yours. Don’t attach to what other’s say about you as it belongs to them, not you.
Speak affirmations into your life: If you want to release negative thoughts, speak positive affirmations in your life. Use the two most powerful words; I AM.
I am beautiful
I am wealth
I am health
I am supported by the Universe
I love and approve of myself
I believe in myself and my abilities
I always make the right choices
I learn from my mistakes and trust myself
Try those daily and add some others that represent your feelings. What follows “I am” will follow you.
Don’t take the thought seriously: Too many of us allow our minds to wander off and w/o any facts to support our ideas, we take them seriously. Have you ever witnessed someone go from smiling to frowning? Imagine what he or she is thinking about and how that person’s thoughts have changed their entire mood. Thoughts are just that, and you can analyze yours and decide if you want to take it seriously or counteract with positive energy.
Don’t blame others for your negative thinking: Placing blame denies you the opportunity to learn from pain and experiences. When you have negative thoughts, it is because you choose to think negative or was conditioned to it as a child. More than half of our daily views are negative, and you can consciously choose to think positive. But, please do not blame others for your negative thought process. Maybe you were raised in a negative environment and just carried that energy to your adult life, but no-one is responsible for you creating negative thoughts. Be accountable for your negative mindset and that way you have the power to change it.
Smile: Smiling is contagious, and when you smile more, it’s evident that smiles are accompanied with positive mindsets unless you’re sarcastic. When you smile it sends a signal to the brain supports our feeling of joy. Smiling is like eating chocolate, or having sex as they induce pleasure or “feel good.” Smile more as it stimulates positive thoughts and excitement.
Surround yourself with positive people: We’ve heard this time and time again, and most people do not follow this simple rule. Negative minded people rub off on you. Transfer of energy is real, and when people are filled with negative thoughts, they speak contrary and eventually you will begin to think and converse just like them. The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be destroyed, nor created, but it can be transferred. Surround yourself with positive thinking people as they transfer positive energy.
List 10 things you are grateful for right now: I’m alive I have good health I have wealth I help others heal I understand forgiveness I have compassion for others I have access to an abundance I have a beautiful son I have a wonderful husband I have food, clothes, and shelter
Make it a great day…
Thank you for reading. I hope this blog has empowered you to create a positive mindset. If you have enjoyed reading my blog, please share with your friends.
Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. April is Sexual Abuse Awareness Month as my goal is to raise awareness and help you heal. After experiencing sexual abuse, incest, being betrayed and deceived; trusting someone, primarily a male was tough for me. For many years, I kept a shield around me to protect myself. I was so afraid of being hurt that I never allowed anyone to get close. Sometimes, I subconsciously pushed people away because in my mind they were going to hurt or leave me. I was my own worst nightmare and definitely in my way. Today, I no longer have a problem trusting or opening my heart. In life, someone will always hurt us, however, that pain isn’t meant to be our demise, it is to strengthen and teach us. The ultimate goal is to forgive those who caused you pain and following, trusting is easy.
Sexual abuse is such a horrible act as a child your innocence is stolen. The world is no longer perceived as one would see it without the experience of sexual abuse. It can take years to define yourself as well as trust yourself. Trusting others is not the only mission to be accomplished after abuse, trusting self also needs to be achieved. As a victim of sexual abuse, you were either blamed, shamed and made to believe it’s your fault. Or you never told anyone, as you had no idea you experienced abuse. When this happens, your confidence is stolen and developing your identity is interrupted. That leads to low self-esteem, indecisiveness, lack of self-trust and trust for others. You may ask yourself how?
How can you begin to trust yourself if your first encounter with another person was a betrayal? Being blamed, makes you doubt yourself. What’s more, child abuse doesn’t last forever, and with that said, it ends. After the abuse stops, children feel like they did something wrong. That feeling of “doing something wrong” made you believe you made the wrong decision. But, in reality, children cannot and are not capable of making a sound decision to have sex. However, your abuser programmed you to believe it was your fault and since you were a child, manipulation and brainwashing were easy. The most important factor leading to trust others is to forgive. Forgiveness releases the pain, anger, and shame and with that, you regain your power. Once you regain your strength, the world no longer seems unsafe. It appears to be precisely what it is, a place where everyone makes mistakes whether by intent or not. Now you can open yourself up and not worry about being hurt because you are equipped with the power to move forward.
Trust is a very significant factor in a relationship, and I refuse to allow my past deceptions and abuse placed upon me to be the reason I can’t have a successful relationship. You should not either. Besides having a successful relationship, when we don’t trust we block blessings. Being afraid to let others in is a definite way to isolate yourself and that only leads to more misery. I encourage you to pray and or meditate and ask God to give you faith, trust, and understanding of what love is. As long as we live, someone will hurt us again, however, don’t be afraid of pain; embrace it as your key to the next level of strength. In essence, if you have been betrayed and have trust issues, I ask you to walk and live by faith. We cannot concern ourselves with the motives of others, nor can we live in fear. The only actions you can control are yours. So start trusting, have faith and spare yourself some unnecessary mental anguish.
START YOUR HEALING TODAY Contact me for more details 773.419.3070 Transforming Lives Worldwide AND If you aren’t busy on Sunday, April 22nd, please click here to attend ourSilence No More Seminar
Thank you for reading, and please leave your comments below.
Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life. When you think of a chameleon, you think of something that blends in or changes its color to protect itself, to hide or be invisible. Right? Okay. Well, most of us behave as chameleons today and especially as it relates to our emotions. The letter below is from my heart to yours.
I am writing this letter to express my most profound admiration, gratitude, and respect for you. You are the most courageous group of people I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have the opportunity to get to know you, sit with you and experience your journeys. I think a lot of the work we do together, and I keep coming back to a word called “resistance” or “avoidance.” I know, you are probably wondering what exactly do I mean, well, what I mean is, when most people tell their stories in everyday dialogue, we frequently put glitter on them. We say, “I had an ectopic pregnancy, and it was awful, but now I have two wonderful daughters.” We say, “I lost my apartment, and it was devastating, but my apartment today is so much bigger and better.” We say, “I was in an abusive relationship, but it’s over, and I learned so much from it.”
We usually don’t talk about the raw stuff in the middle. We don’t say, “After my ectopic pregnancy, I spent hours crying and blaming myself.” And wondering what I could have done differently. In fact, that is what I did after my ectopic pregnancy, I wanted my child, and that experience hurt me for years as directly after it, I could no longer bear children the natural way. We don’t say, “When I lost my apartment, I felt worthless, embarrassed, was depressed and didn’t want anyone to know.” We don’t say, “I didn’t leave him because I was scared to be alone, felt like I would never have anyone else, so instead I ignored all the abuse and pretended as if it wasn’t that bad.”
Why don’t we tell these stories?
Well, for one, we’re worried about what others might think of us. In my books, Perfectly Planned and Overcoming Toxic Relationships, I was very transparent and vulnerable as I wanted to inspire others to remove the shame and embarrassment of experiencing pain. Pain is life. I shared my depression, my low self-worth and didn’t care about what people thought. I know sometimes people become uncomfortable when hearing of others suffering, but, mainly because it shifts them to their painful experience that they would instead leave buried.
We also think these versions of our stories make us sound weak. We believe that if we admit our tough emotional times, others will not see us as the beautiful beings we are. We fear being perceived as weak, dramatic and “in our feelings,” instead of being active and capable of conquering and releasing those things that no longer serve us a purpose. In reality, everybody goes through rough times and everyone deals with them differently. It is okay to share the middle of your story where you felt your lowest. It is those moments that people can relate to and inspires others to know that they can move through. You don’t have to pretend your life is perfect. No one has a perfect life.
So, to you my clients, when I meet you, or you show up in my email, inbox, or voicemail, you are welcome to give me your truth. You do not have to wear a mask with me. In fact, I expect you to come unmasked and ready to release. I understand it’s hard and some days you want just to cry your eyeballs out, I know. I have done exactly that before. Some days you come in, and you look like you want to lie down flat on the floor, and sometimes you hold your tears in and pretend to have it together. You don’t have to with me. All I want you to do is explore all of your emotions, release those that no longer serve you a purpose and grow from the experience. Help me help you find your true self.
If you need personal development coaching, please feel free to reach out to me and let’s discover your authentic self.
Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments below. Please share with your friends.
Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to empower and transform your life. So many people see the glory, but the story of healing was an excruciating and depressing one. From September 2016 and until August 2017, I cried a lot, was angry, suicidal, and felt hopeless. My healing crisis disrupted my marriage as I blamed, was in denial, restless and filled with shame and embarrassment. Almost a year, I smiled as I felt like I died on the inside. Thinking about this past year makes me cry. No sympathy needed, but the pain and sadness were real. So many days, I leaned on my husband and son for their courage just to put on clothes and go outside. I was afraid to be seen, as I feared judgment, people criticizing and frowning at me. I wanted to hide from the world. I felt ugly and disgusting. The two men in my house loved and kept me. It was their love for me that kept me going as I couldn’t see beyond my disgusting skin or bald, inflamed head. Their hugs, kisses, talks, encouraging words and overall love saved me. Many days I wanted to die, but I survived.
I looked in the mirror at my skin and my head and felt utter disgust and wondered how Patrick still loved me. I was disgusting to me. My skin was severely damaged by the toxins released by intestinal worms and candida yeast. It was gray, dark black, red and purple with raised rashes. I practiced daily telling myself I was beautiful in the mirror until I believed it. Day in and day out, I said something positive to me. I needed to convince me that I was not my skin. I needed to feel beautiful in the midst of feeling ugly. I needed to love myself in the middle of not accepting me and my experience. Every day was hard for me. Every day was a task to get out of bed and not only because of the pain, but because of the sadness, I felt. I wanted to give up. I needed to love and accept myself and find gratitude in the midst of burning from the inside and feeling disgusting. If was wasn’t able to embrace the skin I’m in now, I never would. The pain and misery of the overall experience were the most challenging in my life thus far.
How could I be a Life Coach? How would people perceive me? What would my followers think of me? Here I am a Life Coach and suffering from intestinal worms and an overgrowth of yeast. But, the truth of the matter is, intestinal worms and candida yeast hijacked my body when I was eight years old. So it didn’t matter that I was a coach, what mattered was, how was I going to heal and how would my experience impact the world. How could I take this experience and turn it into something positive and beautiful? Did I have the courage to share my skin with everyone to help me and others? I did. In April 2017, I shared a video of my body, and the responses were loving, hopeful, thankful, and everything unexpected. I needed all that love from around the world. The support was fantastic and most people didn’t know that I suffered and it was the kind words from all around the world, that helped me to heal emotionally. I needed all the encouraging words I could get at that time. You all came through for me. Yes, my husband and son supported and loved me, but the love and support I received from all around the world amazed me. Many days I wanted to die, but you all saved me. Many days, I wanted to give up, but every day I read FB messages that encouraged me to keep going. Many days I wanted to stay in bed, but the post on my FB page made me smile. You all saved me, and I thank you for supporting and loving a complete stranger when I so desperately needed encouragement and love.
I learned to see beauty as something more than my hair, skin, full lips or thick hips; I learned to see beauty in pure ugliness. You all have given me something I never thought I would find during my experience. The experience of my peeling and burning skin while my hair fell out and as I wore wigs to hide the scars in my head. You all gave me a sense of peace in the midst of my storm. You didn’t even know me, but you shared your love and encouraging words with me. I am so grateful for you all. From Africa to Australia, to North and South America, as well as Asia and Europe; your kind words kept me going every day. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The Universe created some divine and beautiful people across the globe, and I had the pleasure of experiencing Global Love. In my experience, I learned to profoundly love and accept myself and not care about what people think or expect from me. I crawled and had to drag myself from emptiness and find the beauty beneath my skin. I did that. I am NOT my skin, nor am I my hair. My beauty runs more profound than you, and I can see. We are not our skin or our hair as we are spirits experiencing the human experience. I pray my story brings healing, love & light to you.
Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments For the full story, please purchase Detox or DIEt. It’s available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and here.
If you are unfamiliar with my story, watch the two videos below.