Many Days I Wanted To Die, But You All Saved Me

January 17, 2018

- Coach, Emotional Health, Mental Health

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Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to empower and transform your life. So many people see the glory, but the story of healing was an excruciating and depressing one. From September 2016 and until August 2017, I cried a lot, was angry, suicidal, and felt hopeless. My healing crisis disrupted my marriage as I blamed, was in denial, restless and filled with shame and embarrassment. Almost a year, I smiled as I felt like I died on the inside. Thinking about this past year makes me cry. No sympathy needed, but the pain and sadness were real. So many days, I leaned on my husband and son for their courage just to put on clothes and go outside. I was afraid to be seen, as I feared judgment, people criticizing and frowning at me. I wanted to hide from the world. I felt ugly and disgusting. The two men in my house loved and kept me. It was their love for me that kept me going as I couldn’t see beyond my disgusting skin or bald, inflamed head. Their hugs, kisses, talks, encouraging words and overall love saved me. Many days I wanted to die, but I survived.

I looked in the mirror at my skin and my head and felt utter disgust and wondered how Patrick still loved me. I was disgusting to me. My skin was severely damaged by the toxins released by intestinal worms and candida yeast. It was gray, dark black, red and purple with raised rashes. I practiced daily telling myself I was beautiful in the mirror until I believed it. Day in and day out, I said something positive to me. I needed to convince me that I was not my skin. I needed to feel beautiful in the midst of feeling ugly. I needed to love myself in the middle of not accepting me and my experience. Every day was hard for me. Every day was a task to get out of bed and not only because of the pain, but because of the sadness, I felt. I wanted to give up. I needed to love and accept myself and find gratitude in the midst of burning from the inside and feeling disgusting. If was wasn’t able to embrace the skin I’m in now, I never would. The pain and misery of the overall experience were the most challenging in my life thus far.

How could I be a Life Coach? How would people perceive me? What would my followers think of me? Here I am a Life Coach and suffering from intestinal worms and an overgrowth of yeast. But, the truth of the matter is, intestinal worms and candida yeast hijacked my body when I was eight years old. So it didn’t matter that I was a coach, what mattered was, how was I going to heal and how would my experience impact the world. How could I take this experience and turn it into something positive and beautiful? Did I have the courage to share my skin with everyone to help me and others? I did. In April 2017, I shared a video of my body, and the responses were loving, hopeful, thankful, and everything unexpected. I needed all that love from around the world. The support was fantastic and most people didn’t know that I suffered and it was the kind words from all around the world, that helped me to heal emotionally. I needed all the encouraging words I could get at that time. You all came through for me. Yes, my husband and son supported and loved me, but the love and support I received from all around the world amazed me. Many days I wanted to die, but you all saved me. Many days, I wanted to give up, but every day I read FB messages that encouraged me to keep going. Many days I wanted to stay in bed, but the post on my FB page made me smile. You all saved me, and I thank you for supporting and loving a complete stranger when I so desperately needed encouragement and love.

I learned to see beauty as something more than my hair, skin, full lips or thick hips; I learned to see beauty in pure ugliness. You all have given me something I never thought I would find during my experience. The experience of my peeling and burning skin while my hair fell out and as I wore wigs to hide the scars in my head. You all gave me a sense of peace in the midst of my storm. You didn’t even know me, but you shared your love and encouraging words with me. I am so grateful for you all. From Africa to Australia, to North and South America, as well as Asia and Europe; your kind words kept me going every day. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The Universe created some divine and beautiful people across the globe, and I had the pleasure of experiencing Global Love. In my experience, I learned to profoundly love and accept myself and not care about what people think or expect from me. I crawled and had to drag myself from emptiness and find the beauty beneath my skin. I did that. I am NOT my skin, nor am I my hair. My beauty runs more profound than you, and I can see. We are not our skin or our hair as we are spirits experiencing the human experience. I pray my story brings healing, love & light to you.

Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments For the full story, please purchase Detox or DIEt. It’s available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and here.

If you are unfamiliar with my story, watch the two videos below.

First Skin Video
Latest Skin Video

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