I lived in, around, and beneath fear. My life was covered in fear. I had false expectations that appeared real to me. Why, because I refused to face and overcome my past obstacles and pain. I indulged in a non-reality vision of being happy and prosperous, yet I had no faith, plans, goals, or ideas. My fear of being the best, beautiful, intelligent, confident, secure, authentic, transparent, honest, loyal, happy and successful was all a dream to me because I was covered in fear and not faith. My biggest fear was amounting to nothing after thirty years of uncertainties, toxicity, and abuse. I didn’t want to face my fears because, to me, there was nothing in my reality.
How many of you feel the way I did or close to what I felt?
Since Perfectly Planned, I have changed thousands of lives. Since Perfectly Planned, I have learned to love myself, and feel confident of who I could become. Perfectly Planned was the beginning of me Transforming Lives Worldwide. Over the last 11 years, I have increased my confidence, self-esteem, because vulnerable and transparent. In essence, I have discovered what my purpose in life was. Had I allowed my fears to stop me, I would not be a six-time award-winning author, international health, and wellness coach and speaker. On the other side of my worries and yours, is a great opportunity.
Since Perfectly Planned, I have a wonderful husband who loves me with every fiber of his being. Since Perfectly Planned, I have spoken for the educational and the prison system, law schools, Non-for-Profit and youth organizations, and so much more. Since Perfectly Planned, I have written five more books; ‘Perfectly Planned’ (Workbook and Guide to Releasing Pain Associated with Child Abuse,’ ‘Overcoming Toxic Relationships’ and ‘Mental Makeover.’ I also authored ‘It’s All About Life’ (Book of Poems) and ‘Detox or Diet’ (Closing the Gap Between Dis-Ease and Death). Since Perfectly Planned, I resigned from my staff position as a Medical Technologist (over 22 years in health care) and can now focus on my purpose in life. Since Perfectly Planned, I am no longer afraid to face any fears. Last year on my husband’s birthday, I rode ten rollercoasters that I feared since I was 19 years young. That was a whopping 27 years later. WOW.
Since Perfectly Planned, I received my Certification as a Life, Health & Wellness Coach and is less than a year away from my Masters in Social Work degree where I will then be able to accept insurance as a form of payment for clients. Yes! It gets better, I am a member of the National Society of Leadership and Success, the National Association of Social Workers, and the American Society of Clinical Pathologist and recently was invited to join the National Honors Society. How cool is that? Once I was able to face my pain and release some fears, I was able to initiate the path I walk today; purpose and greatness.
Fears are not real as they are a creation of your mind. Fear is a LIE, and you are the creator of your worries. Do yourself and me a favor; focus on your desires, not your fears. When we focus on concerns, believe it or not, your worries will become a real thing, and then you will say, see I told you. How about if you focus on your desires and bring them into fruition and then how would it feel to say, see I told you?
Fear only occurs as we disconnect from the divine source within. Fear is nothing but focusing on our limited thoughts and belief systems. It is time for you to learn how to shift your paradigm and create a new narrative.
Listed below are a few things I currently do to shift away from fears and onto my desires.
Breathe: Acknowledge that the fear exists and be mindful; shift to the present moment and breathe. Breathing brings you back to the present moment and away from your worries. Click here and watch the video on how to breathe correctly. The link will open to another page, just remember to come back and finish the blog. (-:
Practice Mindfulness: Most of our thoughts are harmful, and, unfortunately, we give them more energy. Instead, do this, counteract the ideas with a positive one. For instance, if you think you are going to fail an exam, think, I have passed it already. Also, if your thought is negative about you, try this. Say, I am not my thoughts, nor am I my emotions, I am a spiritual being experiencing the human experience.
Gratitude: Write down ten things you are grateful for as that will shift your perspective to a happy place. Gratitude opens us up to receive more to be thankful for. Think of those things that made or makes you happy and write them down. Once you do that, close your eyes and the first technique, breathe.
Perspective: Put things into perspective. Is your fear genuine? Your concern is based on how you see the particular situations that scare you. What is the worst that could happen? Analyze that; how bad is it or is the outcome horrible?
Focus on your Desires: When you recognize you are in a fearful state, think of something you desire and focus all of your energy on that. In fact, repeat that thing on your head for at least 30 seconds and watch the shift occur.
In essence, your mind is on autopilot and has about 60-70,000 thoughts per day. Most are negative and that alone will provoke fear. If you are willing to try the list above, I can guarantee, you will learn to release your fears. If you need further assistance, please complete the form below. I would love to help you create the best version of yourself.
Thank you for reading and please do, share your thoughts in the comment section.
Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life using my life’s experiences, wisdom, and education.
In life, you will encounter energy snatching experiences, and within this blog, my goal is to help you reclaim your lost energy and use it for something meaningful in your life. When you think of the word recap or recapitulation, you might envision reflecting on something that happened before today. However, recapitulation delves a little bit deeper. Within this blog, I share with you how to use the spiritual process of recapitulation for empowering purposes and raising your vibrations.
What is Recapitulation? Recapitulation is a spiritual exercise through which we identify and repossess the lost parts of ourselves or the lost energy. It is specifically going back to the experiences that were emotionally draining such as trauma, disagreements, breakups, loss, etc., and taking our power back.
Through this process, we intentionally and consciously revisit all the experiences that our emotional energy was lost or taken away and we invite that energy back into our lives so that we can channel it towards something positive, beautiful and meaningful. In doing so, we recapture parts of ourselves for rebuilding ourselves our higher self so that we can live an authentic life filled with balance love, inner joy, and freedom.
When we lose our energy to emotional disagreements, we lack the energy needed to fuel, nurture and support our higher selves. When we recapitulate that lost power, we can then use it to feed the things in our lives that are purposeful.
My Recapitulation When I was sexually molested as a child and for many years, I felt lost, insecure, miserable, defeated, suicidal, homicidal and more. When I was twenty-six, I revisited that experience with the intent to find something positive. It took me another two years to do so, but even then I still felt like I was missing something. When I turned thirty-eight years old, I decided to revisit that experience, release everything and take my power, and energy back and it worked. Today, I have written six books and working on my seventh, spoken at numerous organizations, and is a Certified Life, Health, and Wellness Coach. That same energy I lost is the same energy I use to recreate my life.
When I challenged my son’s school and teacher for forcing him to stand up and recite the Pledge of Allegiance, the teacher’s ignored my request for him to sit silently. The faculty and one of the deans harassed my son, and the superintendent ignored me. During that experience, the school police officer criminalized my son right to my face. I had to get the news, and the American Humanist Society involved so that my child’s teacher was held accountable, and she was. Although I got what I wanted, that entire experience left me angry and emotionally drained. After that, every time I went to my son’s school, I felt angry and refused to have any dialogue with anyone that was involved. However, after recapitulation, I redirected that energy towards my purpose in life. So, now I’m in graduate school for Social Work, and upon graduation, I can assist in reforming educational laws, advocate for black boys and continue to heal the masses.
The Practice Once you identify the experience that drained your energy, you can begin the process of recapitulation. In that, you need to create a conscious intent as without one; that same experience will drain you even more. So, what was the experience and what were my intentions when I revisited those emotional experiences?
Through positive affirmations, visualization, meditation, exercise, connecting with my higher self, and the divine, I recalled all that energy for the intention listed below.
“I forward this reclaimed energy to fuel my higher self and purpose in life.”
As I mentioned above, I am a 6x author, empowerment speaker, Spiritual Life and Health and Wellness coach, and in my second year of graduate school. I used all that recaptured energy to create who I am today, and you can do the same. Let us talk about recap question.
Recap Questions At the end of each day, recap all experiences. Never allow experience or emotions to go unprocessed. Ask and answer these questions in your journal.
What is good about this?
What is this here to teach me?
What are the facts about this
What am I choosing to think
about this situation?
If this was happening
“for” me, why might that be?
Who do I choose to be as I
experience or go through this situation?
How can I use this situation to
demonstrate my values and my character?
Who do I want to be as I go
How do I want to feel and what
can I do to feel this way?
What strengths do I have that
will help me through this?
Within recapitulation, once must understand that forgiveness is aligned. The process of recapitulation is synonymous to forgiveness. Go here for my audio soul coaching on forgiveness.
In essence, to reap the benefits from recapitulation, one must create an intent and then revisit the experience. If you do not create a conscious intent, you will find more emotional injury and lose more energy. The same goes with forgiveness; when you reflect on those emotionally challenging or draining experiences, you have to be willing to find something positive so that you can use that reclaimed energy to fuel your higher self. In essence, you are releasing what no longer serves you a purpose, embracing what does and feeding your higher self.
Thank you for reading. Please share with your family and friends so they can reclaim their energy and direct into something meaningful and purposeful. If you require more assistance with reclaiming your energy, please complete the form below.
Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life using my life’s experiences, education and wisdom.
An emotionally bankrupt man is one who is emotionally disconnected from himself. What’s more, he has no idea how to emotionally connect with a woman or support her emotions. He is disconnected from his deepest self that which is his emotions or spirit. So, in essence, you are faced with his little self, or the one who can sex you all day and night, spend tons of money on you, walk out on you in the middle of your tears and become angered during any communication. At no fault of the man is he emotionally abusive or absent, and to his ignorance, he has no idea how his perception of what a man is, is extremely far away from the God in him.
His perception of what a man is is based on the societal construct and that is being muscular, hard, tough, unemotional, hard-working or paying bills, packing a gun, and a big dick. The latter will only land you in jail or in the hospital for overworking yourself. He associates being emotional with being a “bitch.” And so I guess we were all “bitches” at birth as we all cried. The sad part is that some women actually believe men who cry or express emotions are in fact bitch-like or too girly, due to their own ignorance or social coma. The man has been programmed to be “hard” robotic and emotionless and unfortunately, there are many women with the same characteristics. Needless to say, a bitch is a female dog, and the last time I checked we are human beings, not four-legged animals. Humans need to feel and be balanced.
A balanced man or woman is someone who feels, is intimate -that has nothing to do with sex- faces fears, knows how to communicate without anger, or becoming defensive like a victim. He also does not run from himself during an argument, yes from himself, as it is not you that he runs out on, but his inability to communicate effectively and healthily. His anger and imbalance scares him and for those who do not run; swing. A balanced man is one who is self-aware, emotionally intelligent, has integrity, wants to heal, creates harmony, open to intuition, and responsible for his thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. He does not blame and is not afraid to be vulnerable. Even if he does not have those characteristics he is OPEN to learning and growing through a balanced woman. He does not fear her, nor does he behave like a little boy with his mother. He receives and grows.
I am not saying that women possess these characteristics as #most do not, however, the man’s idea of what a man is, is so out of alignment with his soul that he will never heal or even listen to what the Universe has provided him with to help him heal. He is too busy chasing titties and ass, money and conquering women and running from himself. He believes when a woman attempts to redirect, help or teach him to a better path, she is controlling him. And for the sake of him never being wrong, his “cop out” will always be ‘you are trying to control me or run things.’ You see he has had enough of women and more importantly his mother, telling him what to do, or not being there emotionally for him as a child. So when he lashes out, he is really lashing out at his controlling and emotionally absent momma or some other authoritative female in his childhood. You are not the issue. He has become his absent mother, father or guardian.
His tough exterior or attitude, and inability to admit when he is wrong, hears what he wants to hear and not what is said, leads to constantly creating discord as he has been programmed to believe that nurturing and elevation is control. What’s more instead of admitting he is wrong he would rather argue. To be wrong is to be dumb or stupid as that is what the European educational system and workforce taught him and everybody else. The same system that taught him what it means to be a man.
What’s more, you are doing yourself and everyone that loves you a disservice. It is time to feel thereby heel. Women deserve all of you and not just the broken parts of you. You do not have to survive anymore. Permit yourself to live, to thrive, to feel, to be authentic without judgment.
By no means is this blog to offend or defend anyone; rather my expression of having dealt with and coached many emotionally detached men. At some point, men will have to break down in order to break through. Otherwise, women will only meet his little fearful self and not the courageous God within. As long as men remain emotionally disconnected from themselves, the risk of heart attacks, cancer and strokes are near. If you are not feeling, what are you expressing? Anger, and behind anger lies pain. An angry heart is a heart attack.
Love is THE healer gentlemen. Stop being afraid of it. Open up to receive and allow the woman that loves you, to help you. She is more than a night sweat. Lastly, no woman has to continue dealing with emotionally absent men. It is very unfair and selfish to ask. You have a choice; the same energy you put into making your money, partying, sexing, eating or whatever, is the same energy you need to use to heal your heart and create your authentic self. The one who feels, faces his fears, is vulnerable and intimate.
This describes a good portion of men. As it relates to connecting to feminine energy. ~Okera Hollis, Author
Your article is poignant and timely! It will take a man to first own his deficits and then If he chooses, let the healing begin! I know a lot of these type of brothers!! ~Khalid Scott, Social Worker Extraordinare
Good article; There will always be a difference between a male and a Man. Much of what you mentioned has to do with the common male experience. Many of our brothers are uninitiated into the Path of a Man, therefore, the sacred masculine can’t be revealed within them. ~Timothy Glenn, Awakened Magi
Thank you for reading and please share your thoughts below. If you desire help to heal, please complete the form below.
Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life using my life’s experiences, wisdom, and knowledge.
A dear friend of mine posted a meme on Facebook that stated, “the first fifty years of childhood are always the hardest.” I agree as what most of us do not understand is unless your inner child has healed, is happy and feels safe, life will always appear to be harder than what it is. That meme inspired this blog.
The questions I’d like to ask are; did you experience a wonderful childhood? If so, chances are, you are close and integrated with that creative and childlike person within your adult self. If by chance, you consider your childhood as lacking, painful or neglectful, you would have possibly experienced one or more of the following.
Mental Abuse: Ignored by parents Constantly punished Not nurtured by parents Too many high expectations Being put down or rejected Exposed to unhealthy behaviors Not embraced by parents/guardians
Experiencing mental abuse leaves a child hopeless as they will develop deep-rooted anger issues and fears from unresolved childhood pain. More than likely, you probably suffered addictions like drugs and alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc. These addictions are an unhealthy way of coping and provide a sense of comfort and safety in your adult life as your inner child feels unsafe. Also, you probably developed physical or mental dis-eases.
Physical Abuse: Lack of affection (kisses, hugs) The absence of food and shelter Slapped, kicked, punched, bitten and any form of violence Violent behaviors Unprotected sex Addictions to drugs, alcohol, food, etc. Physical neglect of self, e.g., compulsive eating, or unhealthy eating habits
Physical safety is one of the most nutritious elements of a loving relationship. We witness this all the time when we see parents showing affection and providing food and shelter to their children. In the presence of physical abuse, the following occurs
Emotional Abuse: Isolating Humiliating Yelling or swearing Ignoring or excluding Threats and intimidation Name calling or insults; mocking Lack of shared love, support, and protection Lack of emotional support from parents or guardians Disapproval or rejection of your emotional expressions Denial of the abuse and blaming the victim
Experiencing emotional abuse leads to the inability to access your self-worth and esteem and with that you are more likely not to express, respect or believe your emotions or needs are essential. You may hide or avoid your feelings as you revert to your unwanted child as a way to protect yourself. You probably developed physical or emotional dis-ease as you have ignored your emotions for too long. Your feelings are a direct connection to the best part of you, that which is your spirit and needs nurturing, and to be expressed, and respected. Otherwise, you revert to the neglected child within you and create an imbalance within your body. Lastly, you will be emotionally disconnected as there is no self-connection.
Sexual Abuse: Rape or attempted rape Unwanted kissing or touching Sexual insults toward someone Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity Sexual promiscuity, withdrawal or dysfunction Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity Pressuring someone to have sex or perform sexual acts Sexual contact with someone who is under the influence of a controlled substance or otherwise incapable of consent
To me, sexual abuse is by far one of the worst experiences anyone can ever endure. This form of abuse leaves a child feeling an entire list of unhealthy emotions, patterns, and behaviors.
Fear Untrustworthy Loss of control Helplessness Anger and blame Shock/ Numbness Changes in how we view trust Promiscuity, withdrawn or sexual dysfunction Inability to access self-worth, esteem, and confidence Self-blame/guilt for “allowing” the crime to happen Dissociation or disconnection from life (inability to function in the real world)
In essence, any form of abuse projected onto a child creates one hell of an inner child to deal with as we reach adulthood. However, please understand this, while some, or maybe many of our problems stem from childhood neglect; blaming, self-pity and un-forgiveness will never benefit our mind, body or soul. Your parents were more than likely victims of the same behaviors they projected onto you as otherwise how would they know. We are creatures of recreating our childhood energy.
Personally speaking, I am very familiar with all forms of abuse, and for decades my inner child was in charge, and not only wreaked havoc on me but my relationships, finances, health and wellness, career/life purpose, sexuality, spirituality, and home life. You will witness my childish behaviors during my adult years as stated in my books, Perfectly Planned and Overcoming Toxic Relationships. Moving forward; how do you know when your child is present, and your adult is dormant?
There are certain behaviors that a child exhibits that an adult would not participate in under normal circumstances. Imagine dealing with a child; it’s like trying to manage a stray bullet; it will not be easy. When you spend time with your child, you witness this with their ability to express themselves and tell you exactly what they want, and if your feelings are hurt, they have no idea, yet more then often adults take it personally. Looking back when my son was three years old, I recall being in Walmart, and he wanted more toys. I refused to purchase what he wanted and my goodness, that kid was on the floor kicking and screaming. Had I gave in to him, he would have used that tantrum-like behavior for many years to come. I recall when my son was four years old and we were in Walgreen. We walked past the “Ped Egg” (used for removing feet callouses), and out of nowhere, my son said, “Ma you need to get that for your foot.” Wow, was I embarrassed? (lol) For the most part, children are free, creative, spontaneous and impulsive while lacking the ability to think first as they act and react.
As we become adults, we believe our inner child is dead and gone, I beg to differ, your inner child is alive, kicking and screaming while ruining your relationships. Imagine a time in your life when you were emotionally overwhelmed or just felt stressed out. More than likely, you reverted to your childhood behaviors to get your needs met. Here’s an example from my book Overcoming Toxic Relationships. I visited my ex-boyfriend at his home, (we were still sleeping together) and he refused to let me in because he had company. I was furious as I wanted to go in and see who was his company. The idea of him having another woman in the house enraged me so while talking to him through his basement window; I kicked it in. Stop right there. Destruction of any property will land your ass in jail. And that is where I was about fifteen minutes later.
Children are careless when they are angry as they have no idea how to express or control their emotions. A mature adult would have paused and thought about the consequences. So guess what, my inner child surfaced and landed me in jail. How do I know that was my inner child? Because, when I was a child, I behaved the same way out of anger. I would break things or become destructive. The list below explains the difference between adult behavior and child-like behavior.
Adult Behavior versus Child-like Behavior
Blaming– Children blames others when things go wrong. Children don’t even understand what accountability means. Adults are accountable as they look to fix the problem, so it doesn’t happen again. Adults know that in every situation, both parties have to look at self. Think of a time when you blamed someone knowing you were responsible. What if you took accountability? What would you have learned?
Reactive– Children react as they respond to a situation rather than becoming proactive or creating a better outcome. Children don’t have the cognitive ability to think about consequences. Adults are proactive and work to create a result that works for both parties. How does this look? Think of a time when you reacted to a situation or stimulus (trigger), and the outcome was worse than the situation. If you had thought first, what would you have done differently?
Hasn’t Accessed Higher or Other Self (Egotistical)– Children that lack maturity does not understand the higher self or realize when they have stepped out of line or disrespected their values or beliefs. Hence, the reason they blame others as they are incapable of “seeing” their ways of error. As an adult, how many times have you blamed someone else for your emotional outburst or irrational behaviors? Children do not understand their “higher” self. Mature adults recognize when their behaviors are out of line, will revisit the situation, apologize where necessary and be accountable. Grown-ups understand that the Ego or “little self” is reactive, destructive and more importantly, self-sabotage.
Impulsive– Children strike out when they feel hurt or mad. They speak carelessly and behave irrationally without thinking about the potential consequence. Adults pause and resist the temptation to spit venom on others. Adults maintain their love and understanding. They work through the issue while seeking a beneficial outcome. Think of a time when you felt hurt or mad and impulsively reacted without thinking about the consequences. Did you cause more pain?
Does not listen– Children refuse to listen as they are rebellious as they interrupt others when talking. Children don’t realize that when they do not listen, they are creating a problem for themselves. Also, children don’t understand the value behind listening. Adults are prepared to learn as they know there is always a lesson and they respect others viewpoints.
Lies– Children lie to save themselves or others, but adults are honest as they understand lies destroy everything. What’s more, adults realize they have nothing to fear by being honest as they do not have to protect themselves from anyone. The truth always sets you free even if that means, ending a relationship because of your lies; you are now free to be single and lie to yourself or no one at all.
Defensive– Children use defense mechanism to protect themselves and get what they want. Children are quick to accuse and say, I did not do or say that. Adults use defense mechanisms like listening and problem-solving.
Problem-Focused: Children are not solution oriented as they have no idea how to address any issue, so they will carry on for days talking about a problem, never once thinking about how to solve it. Adults or mature adults are solutions focused as they realize focusing on problems will only create more. Mature adults understand the only way to move forward is to create a solution.
How many of the listed behaviors do you partake in as an adult? Be honest, so that you know when your inner child is present and so that you can heal your inner child, and prevent more sabotage. In those times listed above, your inner child will wreak havoc on your relationships, or even your life. People stressed out may rely on childhood behaviors to get their needs met. Hence, when one is stressed out, they are not in their “right” mind. For adults who were not adequately nurtured or made to feel safe in childhood, their inner child will behave destructively throughout adulthood. Even in the absence of childhood trauma, we all have an inner child that needs to be loved and kept in check.
Healing Your Inner Child
Open up and Connect– Allow people in and be willing to unite, remove the fear. Fear will only stunt your emotional growth thereby, slowing the growth and healing of your child. Be vulnerable as it is a great place to be. Don’t worry about what people will say or think of you. Allow people in so that you can grow as people show up in your life to teach you about you, not them.
Remember Your Inner Child- What was he or she like? Write it down, so you know when your inner child is present and dominating your life. Be aware of who he or she was. Was he or she smart, scary, fearless, loud, soft-spoken, outspoken, talkative, shy, etc.? Who were you as a child? Remember that person and be able to differentiate between your adult and inner child. Trust me, he or she exists and is waiting for the moment to show up and show off.
Embrace Your Child– Your inner child lives and when someone says you are behaving immature, know that it is your inner child they speak of and that is okay. All children are naive. Embrace that little person and protect him or her. Embrace him or her. Love him or her. Speak positive about your inner child and express love and compassion for your little person. Make your inner child feel safe and loved.
Hun Fun/Play-What did you like to do when you were a kid? Did you want to play jump rope, play basketball, swim, watch cartoons; what brought you joy as a child? Allow him or her to come out and play. Dance like no one is watching. I know you did as a child. I did and still do today. Your inner child needs to laugh until their stomach hurts. Do you remember laughing so hard your stomach hurt? Whatever you wanted to do as a child and could not; do it today.
Provide a supportive, loving and nurturing life for self– If you are living in a toxic or neglectful environment today as an adult, you are not helping your inner child’s healing. What’s more, you are adding more pain and misery on top of your childhood pain. Be kind to yourself. Know your worth. Believe in you. Eat right and exercise. Relax and detox your mind, body, and soul. Take care of you as no one else will.
Remove the Victim Mindset– What happened in your childhood and if it were anything like mine, I understand why you would be afraid to open up and love, have fun, trust, love self and remember. It might just be too painful; however, today, you are not a victim. You are not a child as you are an adult. You have the power to create what you want in your life, but, believing you are a victim, disappointments will always arise. You are a creator so be careful what you allow in your life. If more pain occurs, be accountable and see what you could have done differently. Don’t let your inner child blame anyone for your choices as they are creations. You are not a victim, and only a child would behave as one. Go out and live. Remove the fear and trust the process of life. No one is doing anything to you. Remember, you are the creator of your life. So, if you want a better life, choose and create better experiences.
Cry, Release, Express– Allow your child to feel pain, cry, and release. Don’t ever deny your inner child the opportunity to release pain. Crying is a sign of life. Hence, it was the first thing you did at birth. It is one hundred percent okay to cry and express how you honestly feel and that is even if it hurts someone else. Don’t sacrifice self or harbor unhealthy emotions for the sake of others. Release those old emotions, or your inner child will release them on someone else.
Hang Out With Your Children– Spend quality time with your kids and be free. Let them teach you how to do the latest dance moves. Watch the movies they like to watch. Allow them to be who they are, and you will develop a special appreciation for children, therefore, appreciating your inner child. Trust me, my son and my inner child have the best times together. My teenager enjoys my son. My son is 17 today, and I am still healing my inner-child and learning through my son.
In essence, as long as your inner child is afraid and suffering, you can expect to experience difficult and painful relationships. To heal your inner child, you must love and accept self, all of you, flaws and all. You have to see that you are lovable, valuable and filled with greatness, and take steps to affirm that in your life.
Daily affirmations– I am worthy. I love and honor my inner child. I am safe, supported and loved. I am abundance and joy. I am beautiful and happy. You can also work on removing destructive habits and pessimistic mindsets and replacing them with positive ones, treating, acknowledging and rewarding yourself, self-care, exercise, self-dates, as well as understanding your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs. Understand and respect what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Stay true to yourself and stay in your lane.
Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. April is Sexual Abuse Awareness Month as my goal is to raise awareness and help you heal. After experiencing sexual abuse, incest, being betrayed and deceived; trusting someone, primarily a male was tough for me. For many years, I kept a shield around me to protect myself. I was so afraid of being hurt that I never allowed anyone to get close. Sometimes, I subconsciously pushed people away because in my mind they were going to hurt or leave me. I was my own worst nightmare and definitely in my way. Today, I no longer have a problem trusting or opening my heart. In life, someone will always hurt us, however, that pain isn’t meant to be our demise, it is to strengthen and teach us. The ultimate goal is to forgive those who caused you pain and following, trusting is easy.
Sexual abuse is such a horrible act as a child your innocence is stolen. The world is no longer perceived as one would see it without the experience of sexual abuse. It can take years to define yourself as well as trust yourself. Trusting others is not the only mission to be accomplished after abuse, trusting self also needs to be achieved. As a victim of sexual abuse, you were either blamed, shamed and made to believe it’s your fault. Or you never told anyone, as you had no idea you experienced abuse. When this happens, your confidence is stolen and developing your identity is interrupted. That leads to low self-esteem, indecisiveness, lack of self-trust and trust for others. You may ask yourself how?
How can you begin to trust yourself if your first encounter with another person was a betrayal? Being blamed, makes you doubt yourself. What’s more, child abuse doesn’t last forever, and with that said, it ends. After the abuse stops, children feel like they did something wrong. That feeling of “doing something wrong” made you believe you made the wrong decision. But, in reality, children cannot and are not capable of making a sound decision to have sex. However, your abuser programmed you to believe it was your fault and since you were a child, manipulation and brainwashing were easy. The most important factor leading to trust others is to forgive. Forgiveness releases the pain, anger, and shame and with that, you regain your power. Once you regain your strength, the world no longer seems unsafe. It appears to be precisely what it is, a place where everyone makes mistakes whether by intent or not. Now you can open yourself up and not worry about being hurt because you are equipped with the power to move forward.
Trust is a very significant factor in a relationship, and I refuse to allow my past deceptions and abuse placed upon me to be the reason I can’t have a successful relationship. You should not either. Besides having a successful relationship, when we don’t trust we block blessings. Being afraid to let others in is a definite way to isolate yourself and that only leads to more misery. I encourage you to pray and or meditate and ask God to give you faith, trust, and understanding of what love is. As long as we live, someone will hurt us again, however, don’t be afraid of pain; embrace it as your key to the next level of strength. In essence, if you have been betrayed and have trust issues, I ask you to walk and live by faith. We cannot concern ourselves with the motives of others, nor can we live in fear. The only actions you can control are yours. So start trusting, have faith and spare yourself some unnecessary mental anguish.
START YOUR HEALING TODAY Contact me for more details 773.419.3070 Transforming Lives Worldwide AND If you aren’t busy on Sunday, April 22nd, please click here to attend ourSilence No More Seminar
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Did you know there is a difference between Gender and Sex. You probably didn’t as most people don’t. Well, allow me to educate you.
Most people believe gender is the same as sex and I was one of those people until recently. Gender is naturally assumed as understood, but no one ever discusses it. However, we “gender” on a daily basis looking at how people should or should not behave based on their sex, male or female as we determine what ‘sex’ a person is based on how they dress or colors they wear. According to Adams, Blumenfeld, Castaneda, Hackman, Peters, and Zuniga, a sex category becomes a gender status though naming, dress, and the use of other gender markets. Once a child’s gender is evident, others treat those in one gender differently than the other gender and children respond to the different treatment by feeling and behaving differently (Adams et al. 2013). In this blog, I identify specific messages about gender presented in the mass media as well as the information I received about gender from my family. I also analyze how these messages influenced my experience with gender.
Media Messages about Gender
According to Zevallos (2014), gender is a concept that describes how societies determine and manage sex cate-gories. The cultural meanings attached to men and women’s roles; and how individuals understand their iden-tities including, but not limited to, being a man, woman, transgender, intersex, queer and other gender positions. Mainstream media ranges from newspapers, magazines, music videos, books, and CD’s and plays a significant role in creating social norms. These outlets impact the public’s opinion of the different genders and how they should or should not behave. Specific messages about gender in the mass media are boys wear blue and play with cars and trucks, while girls wear pink and play with easy bake ovens and dolls. Big breast defines women as big muscles define men. If a man isn’t violent, then he is considered weak or worthless. Women need to remain silent or are considered a loud mouth. Women are stay at home moms and childcare providers, while men work and are the breadwinners. Lastly, women are sex objects and men are studs.
Up until my early forties, I thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom, like my mom, until I discovered my life purpose. Subconsciously, I wanted to be like my father as he was out of the house, made good money and called the shots. Some messages about gender I received from my family were men worked and paid all the bills. But my father told me I could do whatever a man could. Girls wore dresses and boys wore pants. One message that stuck out like a sore thumb was women had big breast, and I didn’t have any as I was a slow developer, so I related to the boys. My mom told me girls played with dolls, as it was a girl’s job to cook and clean. Boys were supposed to take out the garbage, protect me and do “dirty” work. Boys were not supposed to cry, but it was okay for girls to cry. Lastly, girls had vaginas and boy had penises, but how do you identify a hermaphrodite?
Analysis of How Gender Messages Influenced Me I never felt girly as I lacked big breast. I became a tomboy early on and never identified with the “girly” gender roles. However, when it came to boys, I didn’t follow suit with them telling me how a girl should behave. I had no problem getting “dirty,” as working hard and playing sports came easily to me. Working and making money was never a task for me.
Throughout my life and within relationships, I always nurtured my man, cooked and cleaned while he and I both worked. That concept of cooking and cleaning was a woman’s job ended about three years into my marriage. My husband, son and I are all domesticated as we all lift weights. We all cry and get “dirty” as I will help my husband change his breaks or perform an oil change. I raise my son without gender roles as he wears pink if he chooses. He knows crying is a sign of life and not a girl’s thing.
In conclusion, the majority of the people remain conditioned to gender roles and sexism as programming starts at birth. Mainstream media accomplished its mission, and that was to divide and conquer. I have always questioned the status quo and chose to live outside of the norm. Early on, I was undoubtedly influenced, however today, I remain mindful of my own conditions to gender biases. We are one and women and men should be allowed to be and behave as they choose without judgments and stereotypes.
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CoachKelley Award Winning, International Author and Speaker Personal Development & Wellness Coach
Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life. What type of relationship do you have with your body as that is the definition of health? Is the relationship with your body toxic or nurturing? Does it involve unhealthy foods, a sedentary lifestyle, or pushing yourself to the brink of breakdown? If it’s the latter, I can relate as that was me. My entire being was very toxic as in the past, I ate lots of meat, fried foods, processed foods, smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol among other unhealthy behaviors.
Eventually, I developed early stage heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and hypothyroidism and was forty-six pounds overweight. Last year, I rediscovered I lived with intestinal worms and an overgrowth of candida yeast for over thirty-eight years, as I learned all of my elimination channels were blocked and toxic. There was so much waste in my body that my body attempted to remove it via my skin. Seventy percent of my body is now darker than the other thirty, however, I consider myself the two-toned beauty. While healing my body, I discovered many ways to create optimal health, but I shared six of them here. You can find the full story in my latest book, Detox or DIEtand purchase it on Amazon.
1. Drink Plenty of Water: In fact, drink water; half of your weight in ounces. Your gut is no different than a toilet stool and needs flushing with plenty of water. Have you ever wondered why the toilet has so much water in it? Seriously.
2. Perform Weekly Enemas or Hydrotherapy Twice a Month: Your gut is your large intestine, and the small intestine dumps waste there. Enemas and hydrotherapy (water therapy) assists in removing stored waste from your colon. If you are 38, you have 38 years of stored waste. Imagine that. 3. Exercise: Exercise such as cardio increases peristalsis or intestinal muscle movement that in turns removes waste from the colon. Sweating also eliminates toxins from the body. Two hundred minutes of weekly cardio equals weight loss.
4. Eradicate Intestinal Worms: If you have ever eaten dairy products, meat, fish, sushi, drank water in America or have any symptoms of dis-ease, you have intestinal worms. Purchase wormwood or black walnut. Many doctors believe that intestinal worms are the source of all disease.
5. Balance the Yeast: Stop eating white sugar, sugary drinks, sweets, flours (bread) that rise, or any other high carb or starchy foods. Take a 50 billion probiotic. If you have ever experienced ringworm as a child, any skin condition, have belly fat or dark circles under the eyes, allergies or sinus pressure, you have an overgrowth of candida yeast.
6. Plant-Based Organic Diet: If it doesn’t come from the ground, don’t eat it. I know that may be hard, but take one day at a time and after three weeks of no meat, not only will you starve the parasites; you will lose the desire to eat meat.
A FREE Wellness Workshop designed to help you take control of your health. Have you ever experienced skin disorders, belly fat, brain fog, inability to lose weight, allergies or any other dis-ease that required you to take a pill. If so, this event is for you. Come out and witness how CoachKelley healed her body of hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, early-stage heart disease, high cholesterol and released 46 pounds.
What will you learn? *Release Waste (Weight) *Balance Candida Albicans *Eradicate Intestinal Worms *Create Optimal Health *Heal Your Body *Eat To Live
Please text RSVP at 773.419.3070 First & last name I will be present