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Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life. What type of relationship do you have with your body as that is the definition of health? Is the relationship with your body toxic or nurturing? Does it involve unhealthy foods, a sedentary lifestyle, or pushing yourself to the brink of breakdown? If it’s the latter, I can relate as that was me. My entire being was very toxic as in the past, I ate lots of meat, fried foods, processed foods, smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol among other unhealthy behaviors.

Eventually, I developed early stage heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and hypothyroidism and was forty-six pounds overweight. Last year, I rediscovered I lived with intestinal worms and an overgrowth of candida yeast for over thirty-eight years, as I learned all of my elimination channels were blocked and toxic. There was so much waste in my body that my body attempted to remove it via my skin. Seventy percent of my body is now darker than the other thirty, however, I consider myself the two-toned beauty.  While healing my body, I discovered many ways to create optimal health, but I shared six of them here. You can find the full story in my latest book, Detox or DIEt and purchase it on Amazon.

1. Drink Plenty of Water: In fact, drink water; half of your weight in ounces. Your gut is no different than a toilet stool and needs flushing with plenty of water. Have you ever wondered why the toilet has so much water in it? Seriously. 

2. Perform Weekly Enemas or Hydrotherapy Twice a Month: Your gut is your large intestine, and the small intestine dumps waste there. Enemas and hydrotherapy (water therapy) assists in removing stored waste from your colon. If you are 38, you have 38 years of stored waste. Imagine that. 

3. Exercise
: Exercise such as cardio increases peristalsis or intestinal muscle movement that in turns removes waste from the colon. Sweating also eliminates toxins from the body. Two hundred minutes of weekly cardio equals weight loss.

4. Eradicate Intestinal Worms: If you have ever eaten dairy products, meat, fish, sushi, drank water in America or have any symptoms of dis-ease, you have intestinal worms. Purchase wormwood or black walnut. Many doctors believe that intestinal worms are the source of all disease.

5. Balance the Yeast: Stop eating white sugar, sugary drinks, sweets, flours (bread) that rise, or any other high carb or starchy foods. Take a 50 billion probiotic. If you have ever experienced ringworm as a child, any skin condition, have belly fat or dark circles under the eyes, allergies or sinus pressure, you have an overgrowth of candida yeast. 

6. Plant-Based Organic Diet: If it doesn’t come from the ground, don’t eat it. I know that may be hard, but take one day at a time and after three weeks of no meat, not only will you starve the parasites; you will lose the desire to eat meat.

Coach Kelley 
Transforming Lives Worldwide

Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments.


A FREE Wellness Workshop designed to help you take control of your health. Have you ever experienced skin disorders, belly fat, brain fog, inability to lose weight, allergies or any other dis-ease that required you to take a pill. If so, this event is for you. Come out and witness how CoachKelley healed her body of hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, early-stage heart disease, high cholesterol and released 46 pounds. 

What will you learn?
*Release Waste (Weight)
*Balance Candida Albicans
*Eradicate Intestinal Worms
*Create Optimal Health
*Heal Your Body
*Eat To Live

Please text RSVP at 773.419.3070
First & last name
I will be present

Please share with your friends, family, and community. Let’s heal together.
Transforming Lives Worldwide

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Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to transform your life. There is no need to seek external empowerment as it all starts with you. You have the power via your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to change anything about you. Listed below are 15 ways I use to empower people who desire a more enriched life. Incorporate these into your life and let me know if you feel differently and good about self.

: Belief or trust in self, someone or something

Write Down 10 Positive & 10 Negative Things About Self: The goal in this is to examine what it is about you that you would like to change. You cannot release what you refuse to face. Of course, the positive things will make you feel great about self, but identifying the negative will help you feel even better as now you can focus on improving self.  

Set Small Goals & Meet Them: 
Goals such as cleaning your closet out, reorganizing your bedroom, or reading a book; small or short-term goals that you know you can reach. Don’t create hard goals until you’re able to accomplish more modest objectives, as if you do not achieve those harder or bigger goals, you will feel bad. 

Groom Self/ Dress Nicely: 
When you look good, you feel good. Take care of self; don’t go outside looking shabby with uncombed hair. Your appearance is everything, and when you don’t provide self-care, you’re doing self a disservice. Make an effort to look good before leaving your house; have dress up days and take pics. All of this will boost your confidence.

Take Selfies
: Take lots of selfies and enjoy the view. No, this is not arrogance or vanity. If you can’t enjoy self, who will? Trust that the reflection is perfectly imperfect and don’t allow anyone to tell you differently. Look at you and appreciate your beauty, flaws and all. 

Think Positive Thoughts: 
Positive thoughts create positive energy. As thoughts become things, be intentional about your thoughts and emotions. If you want abundance and success, think it, believe it, and you will receive it. We are creators, and if you look at your life, it is your thoughts that got you there. What do you want in your life? — Whatever that might be, only focus on what you want. Don’t give any energy to that which you do not desire. 

Remove Negative Thoughts: 
We get about 60, to 70,000 thoughts a day and 95% of them are negative. Don’t ignore the thought; counteract it with a positive thought. If your mind tells you, “I am fat or ugly,” You simply say, “I am beautiful, and my body is sexy.” When you allow negative thoughts to dominate your mind, that energy becomes an emotion (E-energy in motion), and you then create a negative atmosphere that will present a negative thing. Change your thoughts; change your life. Tell the thought to “GO SIT DOWN.” Also, if someone says something negative about you, don’t internalize it, don’t own it; don’t digest someones “thoughts” or opinions of you. It is theirs, not yours. 

Speak and Behave Positively: 
When you speak and behave negatively, you are putting negative energy in the Universe. That negative energy is going to come right back to you. Go out and do a random act of kindness, compliment people, speak only good things as good will come back to you. When you make others feel good, you feel good in return, and you learn to believe in you. 

Sit with Self: 
Learn to appreciate being alone and stop feeling like you need to be around people or the external world. Date self, like go on shopping dates, go see a movie or skating; get to know self by sitting with self. If you can’t appreciate yourself, who will? Listen to those thoughts and determine if any speak the truth, and if they do, journal it. See what you can do to enhance self as the external world cannot do that. Get to know you.

Think and Speak Slowly
: Have you ever tripped over your own words? I have. Think about what you want to say and say it slowly. That way you develop communication skills and trust me, people are grateful for those who communicate effectively. No reason to hurry; speak clear and slowly and you will be surprised at the responses. People respond positively to that which they understand. What this means is, you will have listeners and what better way to trust and make self good. 

Never Compare Self to Others:
 Comparing self to others is a definite blow to your confidence as well as your esteem. Compare self to self as you are the standard for you. Stop seeking external approval. Comparing self to others mean you do not value or trust self. The way to compare is to have “Internal Competition;” be better than you were yesterday as there should be no one in your mind who you feel is better than you. You are the most important person in your life. Compare self to yesterday’s self. 

Focus on Solutions, not Problems: 
When there are problems, the only thing to do is find a solution. Problems, challenges or obstacles are here to serve and build us. However, when you focus on the “problem” you give too much energy to it and attract more negative energy to self, and this makes you feel horrible and not trust self. Focus on the solution. If you have a problem with a friend or anyone, be the first to ask, “How can we solve this?” Thereafter begin to offer solutions and work through them. This type of energy will certainly enhance your confidence and make you feel like gold. (Problem Solver)

: Exercising at least 30 minutes a day releases a hormone called “Endorphins” or the “Feel Good” Hormone. Get out and walk or jog as not only will you feel good, but you can definitely lose weight. Exercising is a great way to increase confidence and esteem. When you look good, you feel good. Challenge yourself; walk or jog for 30 minutes on one day and the following week, go for 45 minutes. This is a great was to build self-confidence. You CAN do it. 

Learn Something New Daily: 
Read a book, or do some research on something you’ve always wanted to learn about. When you increase your knowledge, you increase your confidence as being smart is always a confidence booster. Once a week, seek knowledge and enhance upon you. The more research you do, the better you feel about your abilities to find new information and learn it. 

Remove Perfection from Your Life: 
We are perfect in our right as humans; however there is no such thing as perfection. Don’t focus on scoring perfect scores or having the best body or wearing a size two. That does not insinuate perfection. Don’t spend too much time on trying to make anything perfect in your life as it will not happen. Perfection is for those who lack confidence and it will not build your confidence as it does not exist. If you have a pimple, embrace it; if you have a flat butt, embrace it; embrace you; flaws and all. Love self as you are beautiful and smart just the way you are.

Do your Best & Feel Good Regardless of the Outcome: 
As long as you do your best, that is all that matters. Results are for those who are fixated on perfection. Focus on getting it done with your best foot forward. As long as you know you did your best, nothing else matters. Always trust that what you have done was the best you could do. 

Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments. If you require more assistance in boosting your confidence please click here and in the subject line, enter “CONFIDENCE.”


Transforming Lives Worldwide
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Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. Have you ever been mistreated by a man or a woman and you accepted it for too long? That is a topic that needs addressing so I will share some of my experiences and maybe you can dig deep within, find yourself and understand that you deserve love and more so, you deserve that which you are so that you can see who you are. When one has been abused all of his/her life, he or she becomes accustomed to abuse and therefore connects it with love. Some of us are not sure of what defines love. Most of us are not taught what love is or isn’t. The critical thing to take note of is that love is not abuse. 

I experienced all forms of abuse as a child, and teenager so it was easy for me to accept abuse as an adult. In one of my intimate relationships, I suffered mental and verbal abuse, was always put on the back-burner and disrespected. However, this man told me he loved me, and since I was born into those conditions, I accepted the ill-treatment. The behaviors you attract and accept are at the subconscious level of your mindset as no-one wants to experience abuse. I hear many people say “He or she needs a slap or two to believe it’s love,” that is sad to say, but it does hold some truth. It’s not that women or men like the slaps or shoves; it’s just they are conditioned to accept those behaviors. People who have experienced abuse and have not received coaching or therapy does not understand love. I was guilty of this, but with personal development, I recognize that I connected abuse with love. I didn’t understand love without being disrespected, cheated on, verbally abused and etc… I realize the difference today because, after my husband, I know love exists, and abuse has no place in my life today or ever.

Those who we accept into our lives are a reflection of who we are. If we harbor ill feelings about ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others that reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate adverse treatment from others, it is possible that we also operate similarly. If you are an abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for yourself increases self-esteem and makes it easier to embrace healthy relationships and deny unhealthy relationships.

Some signs of equating abuse with love or NOT-understanding love
• You accept abuse, emotional, verbal, physical
• Expecting specific behaviors, i.e., Name calling, hitting, aggression, constant chaos
• You provoke your partner intentionally looking for a negative response
• You feel a need to argue
• You are incapable of living in peace with your mate
• You replace harmony with arguments
• You say he/she loves you even after they hit you
• You push him/her away

Signs of a Healthy Relationship
• Maintain and respect each other’s individuality
• Maintain relationships with friends and family
• Have activities apart from one another
• Able to express yourselves to one another without fear of consequences
• Trust each other and be honest with each other
• Have the option of privacy
• Resolve conflict fairly 

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
• Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person
• Feel worried when you disagree with the other person
• Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy
• Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit you better
• Arguments are not settled fairly
• Attempt to control or manipulate each other
• Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each others’ friends and family

In essence, love begins and ends with you, so if you don’t love yourself, it will be difficult to attract love. Remember, you are what you attract as what’s in your soul is in those souls of the people in your space. Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments. Please share with your friends and family and help me heal the masses. We need it.  

Transforming Lives Worldwide
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Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to empower and transform your life.

Have you ever truly seen your man, I mean naked, emotionally naked? 

Have you ever seen beyond his physical being and looked into his soul? 

Has he given you the opportunity to see his fears, insecurities, pain, or the self behind the ego?

Have you ever seen the depths of your man as he reaches the depths of your body?

His pain, fears, anger, jealousy, and insecurities is really the beauty beneath his physical body. 

The beauty that calls for him to trust you and share his deepest secrets. As he cries and lays his head upon your breast and wishes for you to nurture him as he longed for it for many years from his mother. His strong arms hold you gently and tightly as he just wants to feel your warmth and security. The security that was stolen from him as a little boy and now he’s a man with the same fears and insecurities. You rub his head and assure his safety, the safety of his heart that was once discarded. He is beautiful and strong as he cries and reconnects with his little boy’s pain. He is beautiful as he withdraws and emotionally clams out of fear you might not understand. 

He is a man. A man in touch with his feminine energy and not afraid to be judged or accused of being a bitch. 

He is a man. A wounded man, who never healed from the wounded boy. 

He is a man. A man who trusts you, his woman, to understand, have compassion and love him for who he is. 

He is a man. A man who once lived in fear and until he felt your love, he can now live.

He wants to heal, but he needs to know he can count on you to support him and not judge him. He opens up and shows you the beauty of a wounded man. The pain deep down in his soul that has prevented him from loving and trusting you the way you deserve. He’s a wounded man, but he’s a loving man. 

He loves you, but his pain is deeper than you can imagine. Hold him, love him, empower him, cry with him, and never degrade him. 

He is a man, OUR man, the man who will protect and die for you. Cherish him, encourage him and let him be.

He’s wounded, but he’s beautiful as he allows you to see the true depths of his soul. He removes his Ego and allows you to see his true self. The pain he suffers, the fears he face, the insecurities he lives with and the jealousy that scares you. Have patience with him as he is a man, a wounded man, in need of real love and compassion.

Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments. Please subscribe and share with your friends. If you require more assistance or personal coaching please click here


When you think about self-love, what exactly do you say? Do you think it’s about buying yourself a beautiful gift or taking yourself on a date? Do you think it’s about being selfish or self-preservation? Well, I happen to think it’s about all of the above. How often do you get the opportunity to nurture yourself? I love on myself daily and if not every day at least a few days a week. I didn’t always, but today it is imperative that I, you and we learn to love self more than we love others. 

Self-love is an essential element needed to have the life you desire. Self-love is not often taught to any family as we must learn to do so throughout life’s experiences. Most people never make it to this space. Some of us live our entire lives as people pleasers and doing everything for everybody else and nothing for self. In this blog, not only will I share ten ways you can love yourself, but I will also share how these acts are beneficial to you. You will become familiar with how self-love leads you to a happy life as well as why it is essential to love every fiber of your being. It all begins and ends with you.

Ten Ways to Love on Self
1. Exercise:
Most people exercise to release weight, and that is fine. However, working out has a lot more benefits than losing weight. One of the fascinating things about exercise is the “feel good” hormone. Walk for 30 minutes. If you love yourself, you will find a way and not an excuse.

2. Positive Affirmations: 
Speak positively to self. We all know the saying; life and death is in the tongue. So, why would you talk or think negatively of yourself? Here is a list of affirmations you can say to yourself every day. 

I deserve the very best in life.
I love and approve of myself.
I am healthy and beautiful.
I fill my mind with positive thoughts.

3. Massage Therapy:
Everyone needs to be touched; go out and have a professional massage. Don’t worry about your body’s appearance. Monthly massages make you feel good and are definitely a way to express self-love.

4. Pedicure/Manicure:
I believe we should all receive manicures and pedicures (men & women) and not for glamor purposes but self-care purpose. Pedi’s and Mani’s have nothing to do with your sexual gender, but everything to do with self-care. Your feet and hands need love too. 

5. Take a Nap:
Americans work, work, and work as we do not allow time for naps or sleep in general. You will be surprised how much better your days are when you find time for a nap. Naps regenerate the whole body and make you feel good.  
6. Self-Date:
Take yourself out on a date. Self-dates affords you the opportunity to become comfortable with self and not be so dependent on spending time with others. Spending time alone increases confidence, removes fear and helps you accept and love self. If you can’t spend time with self, then who will? 

7. Laughter:
When dealing with stressful days, watch some comedy or cartoons. Search online for silly jokes. Have lunch or dinner with your funniest friends. Laugh until your stomach hurts and watch the stress disappears. 

8. Detox Bath:
My favorite way to express self-love is by doing a detox bath. Detox baths are perfect for showing love to your inner self, and it is one of the easiest healing therapies to facilitate your body’s natural detoxification system. Try this.

1/3 cup of Epsom salts
1/2 cup coarse sea salts
Two tsp ground ginger
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
Several drops of essential lavender oil

9. Eat Healthily:  
In the world where food is a science, and practically everything we eat is a GMO, we have to take a closer look at precisely what we are putting into our mouths. GMO’s link to numerous health problems as mentioned in my most recent book Detox or DIEt.  If you want to stay healthy, eat organic and clean foods. If it doesn’t say organic, chances are it is GMO. 

10. Meditation:  
Meditation is concerned with caring for the mind. Although our body and mind are intimately related and interconnected, they are quite different types of phenomena. The ultimate goal of meditation is more than just ‘mindfulness’ or ‘being in the now,’  it’s about connecting with the God/Goddess within you. 

Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments. If you need more assistance, please click here. 


Personal Power (Solar Plexus, 3rd) Chakra

We talk about being “in our emotions” quite often, but what if your feelings are directly related to your overall health. I define emotional freedom as liberating yourself from negative emotions via forgiveness. In this space, one can create the most significant experiences. However, if one doesn’t understand how the Personal Power chakra is directly related to emotional and physical health, overall disaster occurs. Some people call it the Solar Plexus as it directly relates to the Sun’s energy and is our own little fireplace.


Chakras are energetic vortexes within the human spiritual body that attracts and emits energy. Chakras are the primary source of your life force, and their well-being is vital to your holistic health (Mental, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual). We have seven within us as they also govern the health of a specific organ. The Solar Plexus chakra controls the digestive system and its ability to digest nutrition. It is also our willpower and regulates our ability to achieve greatness and mentally understand our deepest emotions.  An inactivated Personal Power chakra results in some of the dis-eases I experienced and discussed in my most recent book, Detox or DIEt. The Solar Plexus chakra is located slightly above the navel and speaks to self-esteem, security and is the core of our personality and ego. The Solar Plexus chakra is about loving, nurturing, accepting self and understanding that inner voice that guides us. Self-acceptance and how we feel about ourselves determines what we will experience in life, relationships, business and so much more. A balanced Solar Plexus chakra presents itself in one who is confident, self-motivated and “on fire.” 

Emotional Freedom

Many people lack emotional freedom as most want to blame others for their emotions. No one wants to be responsible for their unhealthy feelings. You have to be responsible for your feelings as you have to learn to acknowledge, respect and release them. We must be willing to forgive self, others and learn from our pain. 

Closed Solar Plexus Chakra (Personal Power)
Never satisfied

Low self-esteem and confidence 


Difficulty concentrating 

Inability to make decisions 

Physical Dis-Ease Associated with Closed Personal Power Chakra


Digestive, liver or pancreas disorder 

Clearing, Balancing and Energizing Your Personal Power Chakra.


Eat yellow foods

Wear yellow clothes

Spend time in the sunlight 

Decorate a room with a shade of yellow

Bathe in yellow water 

In essence, your health is your wealth, and more importantly, your thought paradigm initiates the “thing,” your emotions amplify it, and your behaviors create it. Having read this blog and understanding the spiritual aspect of physical diseases, I encourage you to take better care of you. I experienced a long list of physical ailments that initiated in my mind as I had no idea years ago that to be physically healthy you have to be mentally and emotionally healthy. Thank you for reading as I look forward to reading your comments. If you need further assistance, please Click here


Coach Kelley’s Ten Tips on Identifying Financial Abuse Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to empower and transform your life. When we think of abuse, many of us of think physical, sexual and verbal. Not often do we think of financial or spiritual abuse. Personally speaking, I have experienced all forms that which includes incest, sexual, verbal, physical, emotional, mental, financial and spiritual abuse. However, for this blog, I will speak to financial abuse. Financial abuse is a common tactic used by abusers to gain power and control in a relationship. The forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in general, include tactics to limit the partner’s access to assets or conceal information and accessibility to the family finances (National Network to End Domestic Violence). Listed below are my ten tips on identifying financial abuse in a relationship.

1. Threatens To Leave You:  Has your spouse ever threatened to leave you knowing he was the bread winner and you would have nowhere to go? If so, that is not only a form of control but also financial abuse in reverse. Although he isn’t abusing any of your finances, he is abusing the fact that you rely on him to pay all bills as you are not in any position to care for self financially.

2. Limits Access to Assets:  Has your significant other ever told you don’t need a debit card, the pin number or a bank account? If so, he has plans on financially abusing you. My old friend Shirley was married to a very controlling man. Not only was he financially abusive, but he checked the car mileage to see if she had driven the car while he worked. What’s more, he made sure she only had a certain amount of money in her account to spend on a daily basis. In fact, when she left him, she had to cry a desperate plea, while in her pajamas, to the bank teller to allow her to pull enough money out to purchase a plane ticket and leave.

3. Controls How Much Money is Spent: If your man tells you how to spend every dime, what to spend it on and when to spend it, you might want to rethink your relationship. If he trusts you, why does he have to monitor every dime? Now if you’re out spending the rent on your hair and nails then maybe he needs to control how you spend money. However, if you are financially responsible and he controls your spending, he is financially abusing you.

4. Encourages You to Quit Your Job: Although there are men who love providing for and taking care of their significant others, there are many who like to control their woman’s every move. Has your man or husband encouraged you to quit your job, if so, what was his reason? Will you have access to all income and possibly a bank account of your own? If his reasoning is, I just want you to stay home and take care of the kids, and without access to money, I think your answer should be a big fat NO. I see future control.

5. Withholds Money: I remember a time when I was off work due to a back injury and my ex-boyfriend Daniel wasn’t appreciative of the fact that I wouldn’t have sex with him when he wanted it. So, he withheld the money I needed and threatened not to pay my bills after he promised to. The sad part is, I never promised sex, so I didn’t understand his anger. As many women that he had outside of me, I thought him paying the bills was an arrangement until I went back to work. At any rate, if your man is withholding money or giving you an allowance, he is financially abusing you via controlling how much you have as well as your ability to be mobile.

6. Hides Information about Family Finances: Everyone knows we need money for just about everything so if your spouse is hiding information about family finances, he doesn’t want you to have access. Therefore, he is financially abusing you. He doesn’t want you to know as it is a possibility you might attempt to utilize those resources when he denies you. If you don’t have access, he continues to control you.

7. Uses the Absence of your Income Against You: Does your spouse constantly remind you of how you have no money and can’t care for yourself, and how you need him? Does he throw up all the things he does and pays for in your face? Does he remind you of the things you need and refuses to purchase them? If so, he is financially abusing you and wants to remind you of how you need him and will suffer without his money and support.

8. Uses Your Money or Property Against Your Will: One of my clients experienced this with her ex-husband. She owned several apartment buildings, and her husband used one of her unfinished buildings to meet women. He also spent money from her account to sponsor these women. I have never experienced that, but listening to her story made me want to find her ex. lol. In essence, if your man is spending your money and using your property without asking, he is abusing your assets.

9. Refusal to Pay Bills and Destroys Partner’s Credit: Have you ever allowed your significant other to use your name for credit cards, car loans or another type of credit and did not pay the bills and ruined your name? If so, that is financial abuse. If he destroys your name, how will you use your name for credit?

10. Tracks Every Dime You Make: Tracking your money is a good way to ensure that you will never become independent. Does your man question you about every dime you make? If so, he is trying to make sure you remain dependent on him. It may appear as if he wants you to make more, but secretly he wants to keep you reliant on his income, so he feels needed.

What can you do?  · Believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in you, who else will? · Leave. Create a safe exit as these relationships can become physical.

· Establish your credit. Get a credit card and hide it.
· Get a savings account. Pay yourself before anyone else.
· Reach out to friends.

Tell someone, to prepare them for your entrance. In essence, men need to feel needed, well, not men, but little boys. An adult man doesn’t need to feel needed to know that he is worthy. He doesn’t need to control or abuse your financial status to feel good. Also, the idea of you possibly leaving him takes him back to his little boy days of being abandoned by someone he loved and maybe even his mother. A part of the reason people abuse is to make you feel less than they do, so they have a false sense of feeling better. Adult men understand that an independent woman is capable of being interdependent as she needs him for more than a dollar.

You might ask what the purpose of financial abuse is. That is simple, control. People who feel out of control need to control something or someone to feel like their lives are meaningful. Control is a part of our ego or ‘little self.’ Often when women find themselves in relationships with men who financially abuse them, it is because their partner feels as if she has no clue about how to live, spend money, survive and, back to that need to feel empowered. However, the reasoning behind their emotional disturbance has nothing to do with the woman. Men who control women lack esteem and a sense of self-empowerment. Trust me; his behaviors have nothing to do with you, however in order not to attract controlling men anymore, understand the following.
· Remove the victim mindset as nothing was done to you.
· If you behave like a victim you will meet another person just like him until you accept your responsibility and learn the lesson.
· Understand that you attracted than man into your space.
· There is something about him that mirrors you.
· Be accountable for your life and especially your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
· Examine your life with curiosity and not judgment.

Lastly, you are responsible for securing your finances and understanding that you create or co-create everything in your life. Women do not have to rely on men to provide for them. We are just as capable if not more. If you meet a man or have a man who needs you to stay at home broke or make less money than him, he is not the man for you or any woman. If you stay with him, I sincerely ask you to look within yourself and ask, why I feel unworthy of a good man who loves me. Have you ever experience financial abuse? If so, I’d love to hear your story and what you did to get out of it


Coach Kelley & 6 Nonsexual Ways to Ruin a Relationship Thank you for stopping by, as always my goal is to empower and transform your life. I’ve been on the other end of destroyed relationships as I will share six behaviors that have nothing to with cheating. Not only will these behaviors in your person ruin any relationship, but will destroy “self,” as well as they are all a part of your EGO or “little self.” The most important thing to take away from this blog is the ability to self-reflect and examine if these behaviors actively exist in you. If so, work within to remove them as they serve you no purpose other than self-sabotage.

Emotionally Closed: An emotionally closed person doesn’t know how to express their emotions or refuses to, and is afraid of his or her feelings. And yes, women can be emotionally unavailable as ironic as it seems, I have numerous female clients who have no idea how to express their emotions in a positive way or without anger. So, this is not a male trait, but more so based on your upbringing and conditioning. What’s more, parents inadvertently teach their kids that their feelings are not real; what does that mean? During childhood, when a parent tells a child to shut up and stop crying, (especially boys) or that didn’t hurt, that leaves a child with a false sense of “I don’t have to feel.” In essence, as the child becomes an adult, he or she doesn’t understand expressing emotions or feeling them; they never have or haven’t been allowed. However, there are those who only live in fear; fear of getting hurt, so they refuse to share or be vulnerable. Refusing to share or inability to be vulnerable leads to a communication barrier and will destroy any relationship. Not only that, intimacy does not exist, and without the ability to share who you are and your deepest emotions, your partner does not know who you are. Then it becomes a matter of sleeping with a stranger.

Physically Absent: Your significant other is never home with you as working two jobs or hanging his or her friends is more important. He or she comes back when you are sleep or busy, or stays in the basement or garage. These are red flags that he or she is also emotionally unavailable. If he or she isn’t there physically, they certainly can’t be there emotionally. Most men are taught to work hard, bring the check home and be quiet. Well, that is the conditioning you see today among millions of guys. I mean, there are some domesticated men, but, for more the most part, a man’s “assignment” in a relationship is to provide and protect. Man cannot protect anyone if he is never home. The absence of his presence is also a sign of his lack of interest and inability to relate to a woman. Unless a woman is only interested in taking your check, she will request your presence. My husband Patrick attempted to work two jobs as he had no idea how to relate to a woman other than sexually. I shut that down quickly. I need my man home with me sometimes, well; I’m spoiled, so more than sometimes. On the contrary, if a woman is never home, you already know that relationship ended before it began as women are known to be at home with the kids, cooking, cleaning, and waiting for our Kings, after her eight hours of work. Men are not necessarily taught to relate to the feminine energy or the woman. They have been shown to relate to her body parts so it might be wise to assist your man in relating to your brain, emotions, kitchen skills, hobbies, desires and anything else that doesn’t involve being on your back. Does any of this sound familiar, if so, revisit a time in your childhood where your father was either absent or never home as you simply recreated the same energy.

Controlling: I don’t need to explain this as it is self-explanatory, but I will. Everybody wants to control everything. We want to control our children, our bosses, our spouses, the red light, the microwave, time and even decisions that do not affect us. The only thing or person you need to control is you. Not to mention, those you attempt to control will eventually end that relationship. We need to relax more and let things be. Instead of trying to control someone else, why not look in the mirror and figure out if that person is “mirroring” something in you as those in our lives are not there by mistake. We are all mirrors of each other. Trying to control someone expresses a principal amount of immaturity, insecurities, and fear. What’s more, controlling people do not want others to feel good because it takes away their control and draws the attention away from them. Pay attention to you and stop trying to control others or you will find yourself alone. At what point in your childhood did your life feel out of control and you desired to “fix” everything? Go back and nurture that “little” person who felt the need to control everything in their environment in order to feel safe. That little person felt like no one could do anything right and he or she wanted to take over and control or “fix” everything.

Blames Others: Have you ever experienced someone who blamed you for something, and you have no idea how you became involved. For instance, you are the reason they are angry or don’t trust anyone, or the tree fell, or the tire fell off the car. Have you? Because I have experienced being blamed by my ex for him being late for work and I wasn’t even in his house. At any rate, why do we blame? We blame to avoid looking at and dealing with self. It’s easy to blame and for some odd reason hard to look at self. It’s more beneficial to look at self than blame others as it makes room for growth. People who blame are victim-minded and believe something is always happening to them. They have no idea where their faults come from because they refuse to search within their past experiences. Refusing to self-reflect is grounds for termination of any relationship, business and personal alike. When was the last time you blamed someone? Did you ever stop to think that in order to blame someone; you had to be in the experience which makes you accountable; not at fault, but accountable. Go back in your childhood to a time where you told your mom or dad about an experience. Maybe Billy or Keisha punched you at school or maybe the teacher yelled at you. Your parent visited the school and reinforced your victim mindset. They yelled at the teacher, wanted to beat up little Keisha or Billy and never once asked what was your role. Your parents reinforced your behavior to blame and never look at self or how you showed up to the experience.

Competition: One of the most important rules of marriage or a relationship is to recognize that you and your spouse/partner are on the same team, or at least you should be. Competing with others is a behavior learned from the time we enter school, or sometimes home, and that has to halt within relationships as competing can be a real enemy. There is no room for partners to make comparisons about each other or compete. When your partner is on your side or not competing with you, he or she will cheer you on when you excel at something. Have you ever competed with your mate? Do you feel a sense of resentment when your mate accomplishes something big or small? Do you get an attitude when you lose a game? If this is you, you might want to revisit a time in your childhood when you competed with someone, won and felt a sense of empowerment afterward, or gained you the attention you lacked at home or made you feel “good.” At the root level, competing is a sign of insecurities.

This person lacks consideration for others and is only concerned with their profit or pleasure. Selfish people never give in as they will never apologize. They are only concerned with their feelings, life, and overall well-being. You cannot expect a selfish person to understand your needs. Do you always have to have the last piece of chicken or feel a frog in your throat when it’s time to apologize? Are you one of those people who would rather argue than apologize or defend yourself when you know the need for an apology is warranted? If you are that person, you might want to revisit a time in your childhood where you felt unimportant or unseen.