Coach, Emotional Health

Five Signs of Having Low Emotional Intelligence

Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and empower your life, using my wisdom, education, and life’s experience.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is defined as the ability to be aware of, manage, and express your feelings. Handling personal relationships with compassion and empathy is also a part of emotional intelligence.

Low EI influences personal relationships, intimate relationship, work relationships, and many more. Is it unfortunate that we live in a time where no one wants to feel or even attempt to look at their emotions? Society judges people for feeling and expressing themselves, yet when we interact with people with low EI, we become angered. With that said, how did you react the last time you had a debate with someone? Did you feel like the person understood you or did you feel like you were talking to a wall?

Were your feelings dismissed?
Did the individual avoid you?
Did you dismiss the person’s feelings?
Did you understand their emotions?
Did you question how they felt?
Did you shy away?
Did you attempt to validate their feelings, understand, or have empathy?

Oh yeah, can you see yourself?

I recently experienced a very emotional moment with two individuals that had no idea how to feel what I felt and was only interested in their feelings. Both parties dismissed my feelings and never once expressed an understanding of how I could feel the way that I did. In fact, they called my feelings WRONG. WOW. I shared with them how I understood their emotions and felt their pain, but neither party was remotely interested in mine. Some may call it selfish, but I refer to it as low EI. EI plays a significant role in how we interact with each other. With that said, you cannot expect someone to understand your emotions or even support your feelings if they have a low EI. You can have numerous degrees, awards, lots of money, and all the worldly things you desire and still, neither of them determines your emotional intelligence.

Have you ever wondered why some humans make it very difficult to be social or are always angry, argumentative, uptight, and obnoxious? Low EI may have something to do with it. Imagine driving and road rage hits, and he or she says, these people are pissing me off with their no driving ass. Imagine attempting to have a simple dialogue with someone, and it becomes an argument, and you are beyond shocked as all you wanted to do was talk. You walk away like, WTH was that?

With that said, listed below are my Five Signs of Having Low Emotional Intelligence.

Accuses People of Being Hypersensitive:
Have you ever had someone crack a joke at your emotions, or laugh at you as you express your pain? I have, and it does not feel right, however, making it personal is what hurt. Have you ever asked yourself, or stated, what is funny about this or I don’t see shit funny? When you express your anger to them, he or she called you sensitive or blew you off. Well, interpreting emotions is not their best trait. Pay attention to people who laugh at or ‘get off’ on people who are crying or hurt.

Refusal to Listen to Others Opinions:
Individuals with low EI will argue and defend their position with great honor and refuse to hear what others have to say. Also, they are quick to say; you want to argue as they have no idea of how to handle yours or their emotions. People with low EI are very negative minded and overly critical of other people’s feelings. If you are in a relationship with someone who has low EI, you may feel like they do not hear or understand your opinion. Many men have low EI as they have been taught not to ‘feel’ from the very beginning. How many times have you experienced your man not listening to you? How may time has he responded to something you did not say and confused the hell out of you? Men are taught that feeling, crying, or being emotional is weak, and so they refrain from ‘feeling’ and being authentic, leaving them with low EI.

Inability to Understand How Others Feel:
Low EI people are often entirely unaware of the feelings of other people. You may have called someone selfish for only seeing his or her pain and incapable of seeing yours. Well, they do not understand why you, their spouse or partner, maybe upset with them. They have no idea why even after you explained it to them. Also, if you do not know how they are feeling, you will feel their wrath as they will be highly upset or annoyed. Inability to understand your feelings is a sign of low EI.

Oooo wee, that is real right there.

Lacks Accountability and Blames Others for Their Mistakes:
Have you ever been in any relationship with someone who blames you for their mistakes? Have you know someone who blames everyone else for their mistakes.

People with low EI have very little insight into how their emotions lead to inappropriate behaviors. The moment something negative occurs or something terrible happens in their life; their first instinct is to blame you or someone else. They have no idea that their behavior originated from a thought first, then an emotion. That same emotion is the reason for their behavior, yet they blame the situation or the reactions of other people for their actions. In the absence of accountability, one feels victimized and angry. The only reason anyone becomes angry is that he or she feels as if something was done to them.

Lacks Empathy:
Have you ever met someone who appeared to be cold-hearted, harsh, or inhuman? I have, and I thought the person was just bitter. Well, a person with low EI comes off the same way as they lack empathy. Recall the individuals I discussed earlier in this blog. Both parties lacked understanding and could not see what I felt and where my decision originated. Close friendships or any healthy relationship requires a sharing of emotions, give and take, compassion, and support. With that said, I chose to refrain from moving forward in any contact with the individuals. I am big on emotions, empathy, and understanding. If you wish to dismiss my feelings and only see yours, I have no room for you in my life. Low EI individual struggle with compassion, understanding, and emotional support.

In conclusion, emotionally intelligent people have high social skills, are self-aware, and does well at managing their emotions. They also have empathy. Keep in mind, even though you may have high emotional intelligence, depending on the circumstance, you may fluctuate to low EI. There is no black and white when it comes to emotions. See the chart below for characteristics.

Can you see how you may fluctuate?

If you relate to this blog and is prepared to take your emotional intelligence to the next level, please send a message to me via the contact form below. I would be honored to help you explore your emotions, become self-aware, and manage your feelings.

Thank you for reading and please share your comments below. All images were borrowed from Google.



Kelley Porter

A successful leader and expert on overcoming all forms of abuse, avoiding toxic relationships and the art of forgiveness, Kelley Porter is a Certified Life, Health and Wellness Coach, Award Winning Six-time Author, and Professional Speaker. As a speaker, Kelley’s transparent and authentic style of speaking will empower anyone to self-reflect, start the process of healing and correct thoughts and behaviors that may hinder them from living a healthy and non-toxic lifestyle. As a Coach, Kelley empowers you to reach emotional freedom, gain clarity and discover your infinite possibilities. She is well known for assisting in the removal of mental and emotional blocks that hinders people from reaching their fullest potential. Her areas of specialty are, but not limited to; abuse, healing, relationships, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as she has written books on all topics. Kelley has over thirty years of direct experience with all forms of abuse, domestic violence relationships, creating purpose and power from painful experiences, and creating a positive mindset.