Coach, Emotional Health, Mental Health

Trusting After Child Abuse or Any Painful Experience

April 7, 2018

Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. April is Sexual Abuse Awareness Month as my goal is to raise awareness and help you heal. After experiencing sexual abuse, incest, being betrayed and deceived; trusting someone, primarily a male was tough for me. For many years, I kept a shield around me to protect myself. I was so afraid of being hurt that I never allowed anyone to get close. Sometimes, I subconsciously pushed people away because in my mind they were going to hurt or leave me. I was my own worst nightmare and definitely in my way. Today, I no longer have a problem trusting or opening my heart. In life, someone will always hurt us, however, that pain isn’t meant to be our demise, it is to strengthen and teach us. The ultimate goal is to forgive those who caused you pain and following, trusting is easy.

Sexual abuse is such a horrible act as a child your innocence is stolen. The world is no longer perceived as one would see it without the experience of sexual abuse. It can take years to define yourself as well as trust yourself. Trusting others is not the only mission to be accomplished after abuse, trusting self also needs to be achieved. As a victim of sexual abuse, you were either blamed, shamed and made to believe it’s your fault. Or you never told anyone, as you had no idea you experienced abuse. When this happens, your confidence is stolen and developing your identity is interrupted. That leads to low self-esteem, indecisiveness, lack of self-trust and trust for others. You may ask yourself how?

How can you begin to trust yourself if your first encounter with another person was a betrayal? Being blamed, makes you doubt yourself. What’s more, child abuse doesn’t last forever, and with that said, it ends. After the abuse stops, children feel like they did something wrong. That feeling of “doing something wrong” made you believe you made the wrong decision. But, in reality, children cannot and are not capable of making a sound decision to have sex. However, your abuser programmed you to believe it was your fault and since you were a child, manipulation and brainwashing were easy. The most important factor leading to trust others is to forgive. Forgiveness releases the pain, anger, and shame and with that, you regain your power. Once you regain your strength, the world no longer seems unsafe. It appears to be precisely what it is, a place where everyone makes mistakes whether by intent or not. Now you can open yourself up and not worry about being hurt because you are equipped with the power to move forward.

Trust is a very significant factor in a relationship, and I refuse to allow my past deceptions and abuse placed upon me to be the reason I can’t have a successful relationship. You should not either. Besides having a successful relationship, when we don’t trust we block blessings. Being afraid to let others in is a definite way to isolate yourself and that only leads to more misery. I encourage you to pray and or meditate and ask God to give you faith, trust, and understanding of what love is. As long as we live, someone will hurt us again, however, don’t be afraid of pain; embrace it as your key to the next level of strength. In essence, if you have been betrayed and have trust issues, I ask you to walk and live by faith. We cannot concern ourselves with the motives of others, nor can we live in fear. The only actions you can control are yours. So start trusting, have faith and spare yourself some unnecessary mental anguish.

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